


Decisions

by yhut2013



Series: Parallel Universe [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cute, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Modern Era, Science Fiction, See Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhut2013/pseuds/yhut2013
Summary: It is often thought that the everything and everyone exists in parallel universe, at the same time but within different space. The universe you end up in depend on the decisions you make at major points in your life and the path you decide to take. Decisions not only affect your life but also those around you.What if you were lucky enough to see which universe your decisions would lead you not only once, but twice?Summary:1974 before their first big tour in the US, John Deacon faces a major decision in his life, whether to propose to his college girlfriend Veronica, or to break up with her and pursue a forbidden but budding relationship that goes beyond friends with a certain bandmate with unruly curly hair and slender long fingers that could bring the red guitar to life.1992 just a month after Freddy’s funeral, John faces another decision, whether to divorce his wife of 16 years and leave 6 children or to lose the last chance with the love of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know there has been a number of time travel fics here recently, and yet this is sort of another one. Well, not really time travel, but kind of how you would make decisions if you knew what the future holds. I always had a soft spot for Deaky and this story will be from his point of view. Needless to say this is fiction but I will try to incorporate real time lines as much as I can. Brian/John is probably the least popular pair among Queen but I feel this pair fits in this story. First few chapters will jump between 1974 and 1992, 2 times when John had to make a major decision regarding life and relationships. And each time, he is able to see how future unfolds and go back to rectify his decision. It's a little confusing at first, but gets clearer....I hope.... :P. Anyway, my first Queen fic, hope you enjoy and leave your thoughts.

1974:

John Richard Deacon was never one to take risks in life. Brought up in a middle-class family in Leicester, he was always the good boy who listened to parents at home and teachers in school. Veronica Tezlaff was introduced to him through family friends thinking it would be nice for them to meet since they were both going to college in London and away from home. John thought she was the perfect girlfriend that his parents always had in mind for him, pretty, intelligent, and sweet. Dating her was like dating one of his best friends, comfortable and smooth. He always thought he would marry her one day and have a family with a lot of kids, full of joy and laughter.

John loved music, loved playing rhythm guitar and joined the first band back in high school. Joining Queen was merely by chance. He wanted to continue playing bass guitar as a hobby, and coincidentally the group in college is in need of a bass player. He auditioned in front of them in a lecture room in college. They liked him, he liked them and the group Queen had a new bass player. A little did he knew he would like one of them a little too much.

Freddie, Roger and Brian became his family away from home. They were different from anyone John had ever met before. Freddie with his theatrical drama, Roger with his carefree partying lifestyle, and Brian. John thought it was not fair for people like Brian May to exist in this world, combination of brilliant scientist and talented musician, yet at the same time warm, kind, and down to earth. God has definitely spent a little more time on him.

To make it easier to practice and to save money, four of them decided to move together in a flat in London. As they spent more time together, their bond grew closer. Being the temperamental artists that they are, the three of them would fight constantly about music, about space, and about domestic affairs. John always watched in the corner but as time went on, he found himself to side with Brian more and more.  Maybe it was because they were both physical science majors, he understood Brian’s logical, calculating mind. Also, John thought someone as perfect as Brian May could not possibly be wrong.

Freddie took care of John like a little brother. Roger partied with him like best mates. But it was always Brian’s gaze that made John blush, Brian’s jokes that made him have butterflies in his stomach, Brian’s soulful voice that he dreams about at night, and watching Brian playing guitar that made him skip his line.

John wondered why he never felt that way when he was with Veronica, even when they first met.

When a drunk Brian kissed him that evening, John has never felt more excited and scared at the same time. He felt his heart throbbing against his chest and heat spreading from his head down to his crotch. He wanted more, and if it wasn’t for Brian falling into drunken stupor after confessing his unrequited love for him, there would definitely have been more.

The sweet taste of his crush’s lips just hours ago, and the words that John was dying to hear, even from a Brian that could not tell day from night, John did not get a wink of sleep that night. As soon as dawn broke, John got up and quietly slipped into the Brian’s room, a little jealous of the peaceful sleep that himself was not able to achieve. John stared in awe of wondering how someone could possibly be so perfect and beautiful, and that person could have a hint of interest in someone as plain as himself. Of course, John thought depressingly, it is very possible that Brian thought he was confessing his love to his girlfriend Chrissie, who conveniently also has long brown locks. John decided to shrug off that thought, quietly slipped out of the flat, not before stealing a gentle peck on the older man’s lips, careful not to wake him. He wanted to get a head start on the drive home.

Even before the incident with drunk Brian last night, John was already feeling that things were happening too fast. It was a week before their first big tour and it had to be on the other side of the world. He decided to go home before he left the country. The excitement of going to America for the first time with the band on the brink of possibly making something big and having to put his master study in electronics on hold at least temporarily for the band were already making John a little uneasy. On top of that, it was also his 4th year anniversary of dating Veronica. He knew that both his parents and Veronica were expecting something big from him. Hell his mother even told him on the phone that she had grandma’s legacy ring ready for him to propose.

He knew life with marriage to Veronica would be comfortable and predictable. He could already see it 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Did he love her, John thought so. She was like family, like his best friend. Then why was it that he never got the same ecstasy he felt when Brian kissed him with her. If he married Veronica, would he never be able to explore what his feelings toward Brian were?

Knuckles white from his tight grip on the steering wheel, John’s thoughts started to jumbo and focusing on the road was just about the last thing on his mind. Before he realized, he was heading toward the ramp on the side of the freeway before everything went black.

John was woken up by a blinding white light. He rubbed his eyes, blinked and looked around. It was a surreal environment. He was on the sidewalk of the street where they lived in London on a sunny day, which was already an extremely rare event, but what is weirder was people were rushing just like they always were, but no one seemed to be bothered with his presence as if people could walk through him.

“Johnnie!”

John turned around toward the familiar voice that called his name. Walking toward him was a smiling old man with grey hair from his not too distant memory. It was his grandpa who passed away 4 years ago. Not having a chance to process the implications of seeing a dead family member, John rushed to hug the old man in a tight embrace.

“Grandpa. I can’t believe I will be able to see you again.” John’s voice cracked with all the emotions rushing through his body. He and his grandpa had always been close and if his grandpa was still alive, John was certain that he would help him sort out all the mess in his life.

“Where am I? If I am with you, does that mean I am already dead? I just remember hitting a ramp on the road during the drive home. I didn’t think I hit that hard.” John is totally over whelmed by what is happening.

His grandpa chuckled, “Don’t worry Johnnie. Your time has yet to come. You are just passed out now but will wake up soon. This is just an extremely special chance for you to see the parallel universes that exist depending on your choice.”

“Parallel universe?” John asked in a confused voice. Brian would be able to understand this better, John blushed while he thought.

“In fact, all events and existence are in parallel rather than in sequence as most people would believe.  
They exist in difference space but the same time. How you traverse from one universe to another depend on the decisions you make and path you take. “His grandpa explained. “John, do you have to make a big decision some time soon?”

 John nodded, “Yeah, in fact, I am trying to decide whether to propose to Ronnie, my girlfriend. “

“Why wouldn’t you want to? She is a sweet girl and you love her. “His grandpa winked at him.

Trying to avoid his grandpa’s gaze, John looked onto the ground, “I don’t know. I think I may have feelings for someone else.”

“Who?” His grandpa asked.

John took a deep breath. His grandpa was the only person that he could tell everything to. “A..a boy, one of my bandmates.”

“The one with curly hair who plays guitar.” His grandpa chuckled mischievously.

John nodded. “How did you know?”

“Oh, I see everything from up there. “His grandpa pointed to the sky. “Hmm, I always knew you were a little different. Well, this is your lucky day Johnnie, you get to experience the universes that exist depending on what decision you make and basically see how the future will unfold. So when you wake up, you can make the choice that you won’t regret. Very little people have this chance.”

Even though John still don’t fully comprehend what is happening, but he knew this was an extremely rare chance. To be able to see the future, how cool is that.

“So let’s start with the universe if you did decide to marry Veronica, shall we?” His grandpa snapped his fingers, and the scene changed. It was the year 1975.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1992, a month after Freddie's funeral, another point when John had to make a major decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments. I do think Brian/John is a lovely pairing too. Like I said, the first few chapters will jump from the setting of 1974 and 1992 but transcend to the future at the same time. Hope that is not too confusing. The next chapter is the first chapter set in January 1992. This was insired by Brian talking about he went through actual depression during the late 80s and early 90s, esp after Freddie died that he even contemplated suicide :(. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 2

1992

Laughter seeped from downstairs to the attic studio where John sat, in his own home, a modest house in the west of London John bought with his first royalty cheque. After all, it was only the 3rd day of a new year and school is still out. His kids are enjoying time at home while Veronica is busy keeping the house in a decent living condition while all 6 youngsters are home at the same time.

John sat alone and sulked. It seemed to be all he could manage since Freddie’s funeral. It could have been hours, or it could have been days. John seemed to have lost all perspective of time. The past holiday week had been lacked of joy and splendor in the Deacon household as John continue to grieve for one of his dearest friends.

Freddie. John whispered his name. He could still not believe his friend was gone. Freddie was always full of life, full of energy. Even for years that they knew Freddie was sick, even though the doctor warned them they could lose their friend any day now, he was the most energetic out of the 4 of them in the recording studio. Never showed fatigue, never showed pain, never showed fear. If this was God’s punishment for being queer, John thought. It could have been him, it could have been Brian. But no, it was Freddie Mercury. The Freddie everyone loved, the Freddie that touched the lives of millions.

John stood up and walked to the attic window. The weather could not be more-dreary even if it tried. Overcast sky hang over bare branches, as if suffocating them from life, a classic English winter. Might as well, John thought. Good weather would be a total waste for him right now. When the chills ran deep in the bone, even the Mediterranean sun would not be able to warm him up. He got up and started treading downstairs to get a drink of water. On the staircases he could see the younger ones are watching cartoon on tele while the older ones are engaged in a very heated game of scrabble. John could not remember a time that he did not feel a throbbing ache and overwhelming guilt when he faced his family. A life without pain and guiltiness seemed to be a long, long time ago. What was more depressing was that John did not know if he could ever have that life again.

He was startled by the crisp ringing of the doorbell.

“John, honey, could you get that?” Veronica yelled from the kitchen.

John opened the front door. Standing on his porch is disheveled looking man who obviously has not slept for days. What used to be glossy unruly dark curls just a few years ago now show strands of grayness. John could not help but tuck a strand of lone dark curl behind the man’s ear.

“Fancy a walk?” Brian beaconed with his head.

John nodded, turning around to grab his jacket while calling, “Ronnie, Brian and I are going for a walk.”

“Now? It’s going to be freezing rain soon…” Veronica rushed out of the kitchen just to see the front door being closed. John did not hear the worry in his wife’s tone nor see the sadness in her blue eyes as she watched the 2 men leave from the living room window.

John tucked his hands inside his jacket pockets. They were the only 2 wanderers on the street of this quiet neighborhood. They did not talk, just silently walked side by side with syncing strides. The occasional brushes with Brian’s arm was already able to fuel sparks deep inside. John desperately ached to light a cigarette, but held off knowing how much Brian despised smoking.

They sat down on a bench in a side park off the street. John turned to look at his companion, who still seems to be deep in thought.

“I haven’t seen you since Freddie’s funeral, how have you been?” John asked carefully.

“Struggling to keep myself alive.” Brian sighed, humming the tune of their song from 20 years ago.

John felt tears welling up in his eyes when his memory drifted back to the period when they recorded this song, only shortly after he first joined the band.

“Freddie…” John murmured under his breathe.

“Yet you couldn’t move your sorry ass to see him for one last time.” Brian eyed him, with an accusatory look.

“I couldn’t, Brian. It was too hard to see him so sick. “ John closed his eyes and let the tears stream down his cheeks. “I am a coward.”

“That I know.” Brian replied coldly.

Feeling sorry for his harsh words, Brian sled closer and wrapped an arm around the smaller man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, John covered his face with his hands and naturally leaned onto Brian’s shoulder. “No, you are right. I am a coward.”

Brian pressed a gentle kiss on John’s head and let out a deep sigh, “Deaky, do you remember about 8 years ago you said you wanted out of this charade, you only wanted to be with me?”

John looked up to Brian’s hazel eyes, batted his eyelashes glittered with a mist of tears and nodded. “Yes.”

“Do you feel the same way today?” Brian lifted his other hand and wiped away the tears from John’s cheeks.

“Of course.” John confirmed without a hint of doubt. “I have always loved you Brian, no matter who I am with. You know that.”

“Then let’s do it”. Brian said, “end this charade.”

“What do you mean?” John stuttered, asking even though he knew exactly what Brian meant.

“Don’t be daft Deaky, you know I want you to be with me, only me.”

John turned away from Brian, “I can’t Brian. I want to. God I want to! But Luke is only 8. I can’t just leave everything to Ronnie…”

Feeling Brian’s arm dropping from his shoulder, John grabbed his hand. “Brian, just wait a couple of years. Wait until they are a bit older. We have waited for so long already…”

Brian shrugged off John’s hand. “It’s always the same response from you John. Wait, wait, wait. I am tired of waiting. Hasn’t Freddie’s death taught you anything? We may not have time! It could have been you. It could have been me. “

Brian hunched over and dropped his face in palms of his hands. John has not seen him so vulnerable for a long time. Not when he turned all yellow from contracting hepatitis, not when he had no where to go during his divorce fight with Chrissie, not even at his father or Freddie’s funeral. John could not help but wrap his arms around the taller man.

As if drawing to the warmth of John’s touch like a moth to a flame. Brian leaned on his mob of curls on John’s slender shoulder.

“I am at the end of my rope Deaky. Chrissie has left me for good. My kids won’t talk to me. My father is gone, and now so is Freddie. This is probably the end of Queen. I don’t even know if I will be able to continue making music. I have nothing and no one else left except you. If you leave me, I have nothing else to live for”. Brian sobbed.

John brought his hand to comb through Brian’s curls gently. “You will always have me, Brian. I will never leave you.”

Brian looked up to John’s green eyes, “I want you one hundred percent Deaky. No more hiding, no more pretending. Life is too short for lies and pretense.”

Brian pressed his quivering lips to John’s in a chaste but passionate kiss. John is still awed at how warmth emits from deep of his groin to his whole body every time their lips met, for the past 16 years.

Brian let go, ghosted his thumb over John’s swollen lower lip. “I don’t know what the future will hold, but I know it will be bleak without you.” Brian said gently, “do you really think a smart woman like Veronica doesn’t know? Chrissie has known about us for years. Life is too short Deaky. It’s now or never”.  

Brian sealed their lips in another lingering kiss before getting up from the bench. “I will give you a week to decide. Let me know when we start in the studio next week.”

With that, John watched the love of his life walked away without turning back.

“You should go home, mate. We have to close.” Pub owner scratched his head to find the most diplomatic way of sending his last drunken customer out. Interestingly one that looked extraordinarily like someone famous.

John swayed on the street with a bottle of gin in his hand. Freezing rain soaked his hair plastering them to his face and drenched his jacket. Yet he is numb. Numb to the cold, numb to the pain.

‘It’s now or never.’ Brian’s firm words from earlier that day still ring in John’s ears. “Why does he have to push me so hard!” John shouted into the darkness.

Freddie will tell me what to do. He always took care of me like a big brother. “I wish you were here to help me Fred, what should I do?” John finds himself asking for his dead friend before slipping on a piece of ice and hitting his head on the curb. Then everything went black.

“Deaky? Deaks?”

John felt a familiar touch gently patting his cheek, an even more familiar voice calling his nick name. He squinted his eyes through the blinding light trying to make out the figure hovering in front of him.

It was dear dead friend Freddie, in his early twenties, young and beautiful.

“Oh Fred…” John immediately grabbed Freddie and squeezed the daylight out of him. He didn’t care where he was, whether it’s real, or even if he was dead. The only important thing was he saw Fred again.

“I’m sorry Freddie. I couldn’t see you in those last days. It was too hard. I can’t bear to see you so sick. You must hate me.” John sobbed into Freddie’s shoulder.

“There, there, I could never hate you darling.” Freddie patted John’s back and spoke in the most soothing tone. “I understand. You have always been a fragile thing.”

John didn’t know how long he balled on Freddie’s shoulder, until the excitement of seeing his dead friend passed and reason started to kick in.

“You were dead Freddie. I went to your funeral. How come I can see you. Where am I? Am I dead too?” John asked.

“Don’t be a drama queen darling “. Freddie chuckled. “You still have a long way to go. You are just passed out but will return home to your family once you sleep off the booze. “Noticing John’s confused looks, Freddie continued with a mischievous smile. “You are one of the lucky ones that is able to experience the parallel universes that exist within different space but at the same time. Now which universe you transcend to depend on your decision. “

“Parallel universe…” John mumbled. For some reason, this surreal experience does not feel new to John. He could almost swear he heard this some time in the distant past.

“Do you have a choice to make dear?” Freddie asked.

John nodded. The relationship between Brian and him was not a secret to the other two band members, his two dearest friends. However, John still can’t help blushing when talking about the man he loved. “It’s Brian. “ John sighed, “he kind of gave me an ultimatum. ‘It’s now or never’, he said. He wants me to leave Veronica and the kids to be with him or we are done for good. Oh Freddie, what should I do?”

“Brian is going through a real hard time Deaky. Do you still love him?” Freddie asked.

“Of course. Without Brian I might as well be dead.” John said, “but I can’t say I don’t love my kids and Ronnie. Luke is still only eight. If it were a couple of years later, if they were older, I would go with him for sure.”

“Maybe there won’t be more time.”

John looked at the older man in surprise. “That’s exactly what Brian said.”

Freddie let out a deep sigh, “don’t hate me dear. I told him to ask you that the last time he came to visit me, 3 days before I died.”

John’s delicate brows knitted up in a frown, “why Freddie?”

“Because that’s exactly it darling. You never know how much time you have left. Do you really want to spend your life pretending to be someone or something you are not.”

“So you think I should agree with Brian, leave Ronnie and the kids?” John asked in an unsure voice.

Freddie shook his head, “I am not here to convince you one way or the other Deaky. I am here to show you the 2 parallel universes that exist depending on the path you choose to take. Since you are unsure, then first let us look at the universe if you decide to stay with Veronica and the kids.”

Freddie snapped his fingers dramatically, and it was the year 1995.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Universe 1 from 1974: John propose to Veronica.  
> The 70s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the last chapter didn't confuse you too much because it gets even more confusing. This takes you to the 1970s in the universe after John proposes to Veronica in 1974. The italic is what John observes in the future universe. Regular font is what John feels currently.  
> They seem very immature in this chapter, but then again, they were boys in their twenties at that point :).  
> The timeline and the settings are wrong with Brian's hepatitis. But I had to fit it into the story.  
> Hope you enjoy and leave your comments. :D

1975

_“…Do you take this woman, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, until death do thou apart…”_

_John stared past his bride in the white wedding gown at a tall lanky figure with distinct dark curls and said, “I do.”_

“Why do I look like the most depressing groom in England?” John asked his grandfather.

“Because you are.”

_John went into the men’s room. As soon as the door closed, he loosened his bow tie from his tuxedo and splashed cold water on his face. He opened the old window pane and inhaled in the fresh spring air as if the church and the wedding reception was suffocating him. He heard the room door open and another click locking it in place. The next thing John knew, a pair of familiar long arms wrapped around his waist from behind, warm lips buried at the back of his neck._

_“I can’t believe you came.” John mumbled to the figure behind, leaning back onto his shoulder._

_“How can I not? I promised I would walk down the aisle with you. Even if it’s behind you as your best man but not beside you. Since you didn’t come to my wedding, I had to come today.” Brian pecked the brown locks on top of John’s head._

_“I couldn’t go Brian. It hurts too much.” John’s voice cracked, green eyes covered with a mist of tear._

_Brian let go of him. John turned around to see the back of that mob of dark curls. Brian’s shoulders were shivering trying to pent up the emotions inside._

_“You felt hurt eh? You knew exactly how I felt about you, and yet next day you go home and propose to your girlfriend. How did you think that made me feel? I was not as drunk as I looked that night Deaky, and I was equally as awake the following morning when you kissed me.” Brian said in the most accusatory tone he could muster without raising his voice._

_“How was I supposed to know that? And don’t you blame this on me. You married Chrissie first!”_

_“That’s because I heard from Freddie and Roger that you got Veronica pregnant, yet you didn’t even have the balls to tell me yourself. “_

_“I’m sorry.” John was not sure if the apology was to the wounded man in front of him, or to the woman outside whom he just vowed to spend the rest of his life with, the mother of his unborn child. Leaning against the wall, John cried. He sat on the ground as his legs gave out. “I’m sorry. I went mad after I saw you and Chrissie together. I went to Veronica’s flat and got drunk. And one thing led to another…”_

_Brian turned around, kneeled in front of John and wiped tears of John’s face with the pads of his thumbs. “Don’t cry Deaky, you know I can’t stand you cry. It’s my fault too. If we could have acted less like dickheads, maybe we wouldn’t have made such a mess of everything.”_

_John held Brian’s hands to his face, lightly kissing the finger tips, still murmuring “I’m sorry.”_

_“What are we going to do Deaky? What are we going to do?” Brian sighed desperately._

_John leaned into the taller man’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist. “I don’t know Brian. I don’t know. But for now, just hold me?”_

_Brian didn’t need to be asked twice. Long arms snaked tightly around John’s small torso, burying his nose in John’s brown hair._

“God this is such as mess. Why are we so immature?” John scratched his head, can’t believe the messy situation he got himself and everyone else around him into.

His grandpa shook his head, “oh it gets worse.”

1978

_“Where is Brian?” Freddie asked John as he sat down for breakfast in the café of the hotel they were staying at during the tour in Japan._

_“Is he not up yet? That’s odd, he usually is the first one up.” John replied with a concerned voice._

_“You don’t know? I thought you guys spent every night together.” Roger said nonchalantly._

_John rolled his eyes, “no, in fact I had a long call with Ronnie pretty late last night because Laura was sick.”_

_“Oooo, that’s why.” Roger snickered before Freddie slapped his arm._

_“Is your sweet princess feeling better now?” Freddie asked John._

_“Thank you, Freddie, she will be alright.” John replied while kicking Roger under the table._

_John took two bites in his toast but seemed to be unable to ignore the uneasy feeling in his stomach. He stood up and announced, “I’m going to check on Brian, he should be up by now.”_

_“Aww, how sweet. You are worried about your lover boy….Ouch.” Roger did not duck fast enough before John smacked his head._

_“I will go with you.” Freddie followed behind John._

_“Wait for me guys.” Roger grabbed his scone and run behind his friends._

_********************************************************************************************************_

_“Brian, are you in there?” Freddie knocked hard on Brian’s door. All the response they got was a flush of the toilet._

_“Brian, honey. Are you all right? Can you open the door?” Freddie’s knocked quicker._

_The door handle clicked to unlock but door did not open. The 3 friends outside looked at each other before John pushed the door open. As they came in, the sight of the man crouched on bed caused them to freeze in place._

_Brian was laying on bed in a fetal position, which his hands covering his stomach. His usually rather pale skin is tinged with a shade of yellow all over, even spread to the white of his eyes. They rushed to his bedside._

_“What’s wrong?” John can’t help but tenderly brushed a strand of dark curl away from Brian’s eyes._

_“I don’t know. I think I’m sick.” Brian gasped, barely having enough energy to talk._

_“Stating the obvious.” Roger grabbed the phone on the night stand. “I’m calling Jim. You need to go to hospital.”_

_“Deaky,” Brian grabbed John’s hand, “stay with me?”_

_“Of course.” John squeezed Brian’s hand._

_It turns out that Brian was sick with the acute illness from hepatitis. After numerous discussions with the management team, it was decided the best course is to ship Brian back to London as soon as possible. John was adamant about going back with him, and everyone agreed mainly because Brian refuse to let go of John’s hand. So John found himself with Brian on the next flight to London, leaving Freddie, Roger and the rest of the team tidying up the business in Japan._

_Brian’s fever kept getting worse on the 9-hour flight. John could not do anything but feed him medicine, water and cradle him in his arms._

_Brian stared at John intensely through his feverish haze, “Deaky,” Brian squeezed Johns’ hand. “If I can’t make it. I want you to know that I love you, only you. I hope we can have better luck in next life.”_

_“Stop.” Tears streaming down John’s cheek, he brushed Brian’s face with his other hand. “You will be fine, Brian. We just need to get to London, they will give you treatment and you will be fine.”_

_Brian closed his eyes and shook his head._

_John patted Brian’s cheek, forcing the man in his arms to look at him in the eyes. “Listen, you have to hang in there. There are people who depend on you. Chrissie needs you. Jimmy needs you. I need you.” John choked on his sob. “I love you Brian, and I can’t live without you. So don’t you dare leaving me.”_

John wiped tears from his eyes. He could feel the gut-wrenching desperation from his future self in his heart. It had suddenly occurred to him that it is possible he may lose Brian forever.

_John rushed Brian to the hospital as soon as they landed. Afterwards he could do nothing but wait in the waiting rooms. Then he was told that Brian’s condition stabilized but unfortunately allowed for family only visitation._

_Still aching to see Brian one more time, John walked to Brian’s room and lingered outside. He watched through the window. Although skin still jaundiced, Brian was resting peacefully in bed with tubes and lines hanging out of his arms. A very pregnant Chrissie was by his side, holding his hand and gently kissed his forehead._

_John smiled faintly with unmistakable sadness. He turned around with slump shoulders, and walked down the dark hospital hallway._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1992 universe where John refuse to leave his wife and kids. The 1990s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here with another chapter. Two songs I included in this chapter. First one 'Too Much Love Will Kill You', a song Brian wrote in late 90s and was recorded in their 1995 album Made in Heaven. Freddie's part was recorded before he died :'(. Second one is 'No-one but you' which is the last song John recorded with Brian and Roger. Both are beautiful songs, highly recommended if you haven't heard it. Especially the video for 'No-one but you', very moving. I cried.   
> Anyway, hope you enjoy ^^.

1995

Oh, I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me  
About growing up and what a struggle it would be  
In my tangled state of mind  
I've been looking back to find  
Where I went wrong

Too much love will kill you  
If you can't make up your mind  
Torn between the lover  
And the love you leave behind  
You're headed for disaster  
'Cause you never read the signs  
Too much love will kill you - every time

……

Too much love will kill you  
Just as sure as none at all  
It'll drain the power that's in you  
Make you plead and scream and crawl  
And the pain will make you crazy  
You're the victim of your crime  
Too much love will kill you every time

Yes, too much love will kill you  
It'll make your life a lie  
Yes, too much love will kill you  
And you won't understand why  
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul  
But here it comes again  
Too much love will kill you

 

“ _Brian, stop.” John called through the microphone. “You are going too fast…again.”_

_Brian gave John an icy stare through the window of the recording room. If looks could kill, John definitely felt the stab._

_“What the hell do you want John? Is everything too fast for you? If that’s the case, you should just go home and cuddle with your wife.” Brian throw out his arm and shouted._

_“Hey, that was uncalled for!” John stood up, face turning red._

_Roger took off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. The headache from the hangover is only getting worse as the day went on. They had been crammed in this recording studio hours, days, weeks trying to tidy Freddie’s last few pieces of work into a album. Yet they are still weeks behind schedule from the original planned release date. If only his two idiots of bandmate would stop being at each other’s throats all the time._

_‘Oh, Freddie I wish you were here.’ Roger murmured under his breathe like a silent prayer. ‘I can’t handle Brian and Deaky by myself. What should I do? You know we are doomed when I have to be the adult around here.’_

John can’t help but let out a chuckle at the scene in front. He thought he would never see the day that Roger was the mature one amongst them.

_Roger patted John on the shoulder before going through the recording studio door to Brian. “Brian, Deaky’s right.” Roger sighed, “you were going a bit fast. But you know what,” he took the guitar strap from Brian’s shoulder and placed the instrument on the stand. “Let’s take a break, we have been at this for hours.”_

_The three of them sat around the table in the break room quietly, each deep in their own thoughts._

_Brian finally broke the silence, “there is a proposal I want to talk to you two about. You guys know Robbie? Robbie Williams?”_

_“The kid from Take That.” Roger nodded, “I know of him.”_

_“So I met him a couple months ago at an event. We got talking. He’s a cool kid. I think he will be a good candidate as the front singer for us. I talked to Jim and some others on the team. They liked the idea too. He can definitely sing, and perform. Robbie is also interested. So tell me your thoughts.” Brian looked expectantly at John and Roger._

_“Brian, you can’t be serious.” John sounded furious. “How can you even think that someone could possibly replace Freddie?!”_

_“Who says he is replacing Freddie?”_

_“Well, what the hell are you doing proposing to have that kid join us?” John retorted._

_“No one is replacing Freddie. No one ever will.” Brian replied in a seemingly calm tone, obviously working hard to control his frustrations. “But if we want to continue to make music as Queen, we need someone to sing for us. Because you sure can’t. Roger and I can’t sing lead while playing instrument at the same time.”_

Ouch, that hurt. John winced in pain.

_“Brian, that’s enough.” Roger intervened._

_John lowered his head to stare at his hands. “I know I can’t sing, Brian. You don’t have the rub it in my face. I know I contribute the least to the band over the years. You think I haven’t wished it was me dead instead of Freddie. It will be so much easier for you guys to just find another guy to play the bass.”_

_“Deaky, don’t say that.” Roger tried to comfort John by placing his hand on John’s arm but John shrugged him away._

_“But you know what Brian? At least I know what loyalty is. And it hell is not replacing Freddie with some 20 year old kid.” John shouted._

_“Oh that’s fancy from you.” Brian jumped up, knocking his chair to the ground. “Do you really want to talk to me about loyalty John? Do you?!” Brian paced up and down. “Loyalty is to carry on Freddie’s legacy, to deliver his music to the next generation. Not to hide in the comfort zone and sulk. I know you are good at that.” Brian snorted._

_John sighed in resignation. He had no comeback for that._

_“Brian’s right. Freddie would want his music, our music to continue be played for millions of people.” Roger agreed, “but I don’t know. That kid is a bit young don’t you think?”_

_“That’s exactly what we need Roger. We need some youth and energy or we will drown, repeating ourselves over and over. Besides, we were about the same age when we first got together. Deaky was even younger when he joined Queen.” Brian momentarily gazed at John, a hint of softness in the hazel eyes that still shone with fury, as he reminisced a simpler and happier time._

_“I had enough of this.” John stood up, slight crack in his voice. “I’m leaving. You guys finish your parts. I will continue with mine tomorrow.” He walked out the door ignoring Roger’s calling from behind._

_Roger let out a deep sigh and lit a smoke._

_“Would you put that down Roger. You know I hate that thing.” Brian complained._

_“Well, too bad.” Roger snapped. “I have monster of a headache because of you two. Brian you have been a bitch today. No, actually, you have been a bitch for the past year to Deaky. What the hell Brian. Are you going through menopause?”_

_Brian slumped on a chair, almost meekly. “You know why Roger. I just can’t look at him now without feeling pain, without going mad. Knowing what we could have had, if he was just a bit less of a coward.”_

_“Well,” Roger rubbed his temple. “Too bad. He made his decision, and you made yours. Now you both just have to live with it. But if we want to continue making music, you have got to learn to work with him.”_

_Brian closed his eyes and put his face in his palms. “That’s the thing Rog. I don’t know if I can.”_

_“You have to.” Roger took a puff of smoke, “you owe it to Freddie. We owe it to Freddie to get this album out.”_

Freddie grabbed a teary John into a bear hug.

“We are falling a part without you Freddie.” John can’t help but sobbing on his friend’s shoulder. He cannot believe, in just a couple of years, his relationship with Brian has deteriorated to not being able to be in the same room together.

“Oh darling. That’s the bitch love is. It hurts. And you do know why Brian wrote that song, right?” Freddie started to hum the melody of ‘Too Much Love Will Kill You’ in John’s ear, which only made the younger man sob even harder.

1997

“A hand above the water  
An angel reaching for the sky  
Is it raining in heaven -  
Do you want us to cry'  
And everywhere the broken-hearted  
On every lonely avenue  
No-one could reach them  
No-one but you  
One by one

Only the good die young  
They're only flying too close to the sun  
And life goes on   
Without you  
Another tricky situation  
A get to drawning in the blues  
And I find myself thinkin'  
Well - what would you do'  
Yes! - it was such an operation  
Forever paying every due

Hell, you made a sensation  
You found a way through - and  
One by one  
Only the good die young  
They're only flyin' too close to the sun  
We'll remember -  
Forever  
And now the party must be over  
I guess we'll never understand  
The sense of your leaving

Was it the way it was planned'  
And so we grace another table  
And raise our glasses one more time  
There's a face at the window  
And I ain't never, never sayin' goodbye  
One by one  
Only the good die young  
They're only flyin' too close to the sun  
Cryin' for nothing  
Cryin' for no-one  
No-one but you

 

_“Great work guys. That would be the last shot.” The director gave them a thumb up sign._

_“That was beautiful Brian.” John said gently to the man who is still staring at the piano keys._

_Brian replied with a weak nod, still lost in the music._

_John put his bass on the stand. Looking at the recording studio one last time, as if trying to remember every single detail, he cleared his throat. “Guys, like I mentioned before, this would be the last project. I’m hanging up my bass.”_

_“Deaky,” Roger walked up to John and put an arm around his shoulder. “Are you sure? You have so much more talent? We had so much fun together.”_

_“I have thought it through and through Roger. It just doesn’t feel the same anymore, ever since Freddie was gone.” John stole a glance toward Brian, who is still standing by the piano with his back facing them._

_Roger wiped a drop of tear from the corner of his eye, “I know Deaky.”_

_He patted Roger on the back and smiled at his friend, “but whatever projects you and Brian decide to do as Queen, you have my blessing. And if you guys have any questions about the business side, I am always available.”_

_“Thanks Deaks. What are you going to do with all your time then?”_

_John shrugged his shoulders. “Oh, I will find things to keep myself busy. It’s not like I have been active last few years. I have been semi-retired already. I will read some books, play with my grandson, watch you guys on tele.”_

_“Roger. Can you come for a minute?” One of the crew on the set called to the drummer._

_“Hang on.” Roger turned to grab his friend in a tight hug which John gladly reciprocated. “We are still good friends. Right Deaky? Just don’t be a stranger, okay?”_

_“Of course.” John squeezed Roger one last time before letting his friend go._

_The studio was empty except for the bassist and tall man with dark curly hair. John could hear his heart racing in his chest. He gingerly walked toward Brian, taking a deep breath, and hesitantly wrapped his arms around the taller man’s waist from behind._

_John buried his face in Brian’s back and murmured, “Good bye, Brian. Just take care of yourself.”_

_The body that he once knew every mole, wrinkle and scar, the scent that still haunted his dreams. He hadn’t been this physically close to Brian for many years. John wished that he could linger and bit longer. He could feel Brian’s shoulders shudder, hear Brian’s breath hitch._

_Just as he was about to let go when he felt the familiar warmth of Brian’s hand on the back of his. “I’m sorry, Deaky.” Brian whispered between quiet sobs._

_John squeezed Brian’s hand. He moved to face Brian and lifted his hand to gently wipe tears off Brian’s cheek. “I am sorry too.”_

_With that, John walked out of the studio into the soft autumn drizzle._

“That’s it? I just left like that? I didn’t record anymore music with them after?” John cried in disbelief.

“I’m afraid so darling. You and Brian can’t work together anymore.” Freddie replied, “it’s very unfortunate because you could have done so much more with your talent.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1974 universe where John proposed to Veronica. The 1980s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone. I know last chapter was depressing. I hope you find this chapter slightly happier. Enjoy! :)

1983

_Brian walked into the recording studio to see John sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes to adjust to the light._

_“You are late.” John accused Brian._

_“You are early.” Brian replied, dropping his bag on the ground._

_“I never left.” Brian stared at John for a moment. The next thing he knew, John jumped on him, attacking his lips feverously. Brian returned the kiss with equal passion. Hands swarming all over John’s skinny body, under his shirt, under the helm of his jeans._

_An hour later, two satiated bodies lay on the couch, as naked as the day they were born. John lay on top of Brian, eyes closed with a dreamy smile on his face._

_Brian lightly slapped John’s bare ass, “we got to get up Deaky. Freddie and Roger will be in any minute.”_

_Without opening his eyes, John rubbed his face on Brian’s chest and made an incomprehensible but adorable noise._

_Sighing happily, Brian shook his head but wrapped his arm around John’s small waist. He glanced over at a sheet of music laying on the coffee table._

_“I want to break free. Did you write this Deaky?” Brian asked while trying to hum to the melody, “it’s really good.”_

_John nodded against Brian’s chest, “I wasn’t only pinning over you last night.”_

_“But you were.” Brian chuckled, “I have fallen in love for the first time and this time I know it’s for real…I can’t get over the way you love me like you do…I can’t get use to living without you by my side… I don’t want to live alone…Deaky, it’s about me, isn’t it?” Brian laughed while rubbing John’s permed hair._

_“Stop it, you self-centered twat.” John slapped Brian’s chest and pinched his nipple, causing Brian to hiss in his laughter._

_Brian lifted John’s chin to look at his clear green eyes, “are you serious Deaky? Do you want to break free?”_

_John avoided Brian’s gaze and laid his head back at the crook of Brian’s neck, but Brian could clearly feel his nod. Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man, lowered his lips to kiss John’s hairline. “Me too, Deaky. Me too.”_

_****************************************************************************************************_

_“Can you tell me why you thought it was a good idea to have John and Veronica here for dinner when Louisa is starting to get sick?” Brian asked his wife while trying to put his fussy baby daughter back to sleep._

_“Well, I saw Veronica in the mall the other day and we talked about how we never have time to get together anymore. So I invited them for dinner. How would I know Louisa would be getting sick. I know you see John all the time, but I haven’t seen them in ages.” Brian choose to ignore Chrissie’s emphasis on ‘all the time’._

_The doorbell rang and Brian answered. He gave Veronica a hug and peck on the cheek. When he grabbed John’s extended hand, he can’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. It was just early this morning they were rolling around between the sheets, gloriously naked. Now they can do nothing but shaking hands and patting on the back._

_“Long time no see.” John smiled at him._

_***********************************************************************_

_They were supposed to be down at the cellar looking for more wine, but all Brian could do was staring at John’s behind as he bent over to go through the bottles. Brian grabbed John’s waist from behind, grinding himself against John and biting the smaller man’s neck._

_“I hate seeing you with her.” Brian hissed, “I want you to be mine.”_

_John turned and threw his arms around Brian’s neck, pressing his lips to Brian’s. “I am yours.” He mumbled between the kisses._

_When they were finally able to make upstairs, Chrissie greeted them with raised eyebrows. “You two certainly too your time.”_

_“Finding the perfect wine takes patience dear.” Brian apologetically kissed his wife on the forehead while Veronica noticed a hickey on the side of John’s neck that she swore wasn’t there before._

_*************************************************************************_

_“Jim, I was wondering,” Chrissie was grasping the phone tightly with her fingers, as if she wanted to leave permanent prints. “If I can ask you to let Brian leave for this coming weekend. You see, we really have to go visit my parents in Liverpool…”_

_“Oh,” her shoulders slacked upon hearing the reply, “you say they have only been recording two days a week. So Brian should be have the weekend free. Thanks, Jim. That’s great to hear.”_

_Chrissie let the phone slip from her fingers onto the floor. Just hours ago, Brian had told her something otherwise._

_******************************************************************************_

_Inside a small dingy motel room close to Oxford, the moonlight shone from the window to the two sweaty, breathless bodies laying on bed. John snuggled up to Brian in a fetal position, hands tucked under his chin. Brain thinks John does not look a day older than when they first met._

_“Penny for your thought?” Brian asked after pecking the John’s ear lobe._

_John sighed, “I’m tired of this charade. I only want to be with you. Can’t we just go away?”_

_Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man’s body, and rocked them back and forth._

“This is fuckin ridiculous.” John swore under his breath, forgetting he was not alone.

“I have to agree with you on that, Johnnie.” His grandfather smiled.

1988

_“Guys, can I have a minute.” Freddie asked in a serious tone that is usual for him. It was the end of another day at the recording studio and just the 4 bandmates were tiding up their work getting ready to leave._

_“What’s up Fred?” Roger asked while the other two looked up expectantly._

_“I want you guys to be the first to know. I have got it.” Freddie said calmly._

_“Got what?” Brian was confused at first. Then as if a light bulb stroke on. “Oh shit.” He blurted out._

_Freddie nodded. “Yes, I have got AIDs.”_

_“Oh my gosh, Freddie I’m so sorry.” John covered his mouth in shock._

_“Stop Deaky.” Freddie waved his hand at John. “Please, all of you. I don’t have time to grieve, cry, be their gay poster boy or cautionary tale. So if you bore me with your sympathy, I will have to kick you out. With all the time I have left, however long that may be, all I want to do is to make music. And needless to say, this is just between us for now.”_

_All three men nodded while wiping tears with the backs of their hands. They unanimously gathered together beside Freddie for a messy group hug._

_Brian gave Freddie a tight squeeze on the shoulder. “Freddie, from now on we go back to how we were in the early days. We just focus on making music, nothing else. All the songs, doesn’t matter who wrote it, credit goes to Queen. All royalty, split 4 ways, evenly.”_

_Roger nodded in agreement. “Yes Freddie, you are a legend.”_

_Freddie patted Roger’s cheek lovingly. “We are all legends, dear.” He turned to John, who was still working hard to control his sobs. Freddie grabbed him in a hug, “Deaky darling. Please stop crying like a little girl. I am will be alright.”_

“What’s AIDs?” John asked his grandpa.

His grandpa sighed, “it’s a deadly virus that is transmitted by bodily fluid. It started in the early 1980s. For about 10 years, there was almost no treatment and diagnosis meant death sentence.”

“Oh my god, so Freddie died so young?” Watching his future self crying in Freddie’s arms, John felt tears well up in his own eyes.

_No matter how much Freddie tried to calm them, the news still came as a major shock to Brian, Roger and John. Long after Freddie left, they still sat there in the studio, unable to move._

_“I still can’t believe it. He doesn’t appear to be sick at all.” Roger sighed. “Maybe tomorrow I will realize this is a drunken nightmare.”_

_Brian slapped Roger on the arm causing him to cuss, “ouch, bastard. Why do you do that for?”_

_“Did that hurt Roger? Unfortunately, this is very real. You are sober for once.” Brian said sarcastically._

_“Well, that’s too bad. I guess it’s time to get drunk.” Roger grabbed his jacket. Before he walked out of the door, he turned to Brian and asked. “Brian, did Chrissie kick you out for good? Did you find a place to stay yet?”_

_Brian shrugged his shoulders, “I will find a hotel. Or I will just sleep here.” Brian patted the couch._

_“You can stay with me you know.” John offered quietly._

_“Thanks, but no thanks. Deaky. Your domestic bliss with your family is the last thing I want to see right now.” Brian rubbed his temples._

_“Well, I would offer you my place. But my living situation right now is less than ideal.” Roger chuckled._

_Brian rolled his eyes at the drummer, “yes, Rog, everyone and their mother knows about your love affairs.”_

_After Roger left, Brian turned to John and held out his hand. “Deaky, come here?”_

_John did not need to be asked twice. He snuggled up to Brian on the couch and leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder while the taller man wrapped an arm around John._

_“How are you feeling?” John squeezed Brian’s other hand._

_Brian closed his eyes and leaned his cheek on John’s head. “I have been better.”_

_They sat in comfortable silence, leaning onto one another, enjoying each other’s scent._

_It was Brian who broke the silence. “Everything has been shitty lately. Chrissie divorces me. My Dad is sick, and now Freddie has AIDs.” Brian sighed. “At least you are still with me.” He pecked the smaller man’s forehead._

_“I love you Brian. I will always be with you, as long as you will have me.” John intertwined his slender fingers with Brian’s._

_Brian locked their hands together. “Deaky, have you ever thought, just maybe, you can just leave it all and really be with me?”_

_John looked up to Brian, “what do you mean Brian?”_

_“It’s Freddie, Deaky. It could have been me. It could have been you. It could have been anyone, but it happens to be Freddie. We always said wait, wait until we are less busy, wait for a more appropriate time. Wait for the kids to get older. But like Freddie said, maybe one day, we suddenly realize we don’t have all the time in the world to wait. What happens then? Do you really want to spend your whole life lying and pretending?”_

_“Brian,” John gently kissed the corner of Brian’s lips and continued. “I understand what you are saying. I do not want to spend my whole life in lies and guilt. But for now, don’t you think we should leave it and just focus on helping Freddie to make music? Making sure Freddie can be as productive as he wants in the time he has left, however long that may be.”_

_Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man, “you are right Deaky.”_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1992 Universe where John did not divorce his wife. The 2000s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are getting more and more angsty and harder to write. But it will be a lighter mood in later chapters. :D. Hope you enjoy the next one.

2000

_Today was the day Brian and Anita planned to register their marriage officially. It was highly unlikely for a man of Brian’s age and life experience to get cold feet. However, after breakfast, he still found himself walking to his work studio in his house and found the double bass guitar that was sitting in the corner collecting dust for years. It was this instrument that John played during the recording of the song 39’ on the their most successful album ‘a night at the opera’ in the fall of 1975. Brian originally asked John to learn how to play the double bass for the song as a joke, thinking it would add more layer to the music he wrote. To his delightful surprise, at the break of dawn a couple of days later, he saw John in the empty recording studio practicing the melody of 39’ on this very instrument. It was at that moment Brian knew he would be head over hells in love with this man for the rest of his life._

_Brian tenderly brushed the chords with his shaky fingers, letting a flake of dust into the air. John didn’t know Brian secretly kept this instrument all these years._

_“Deaky, I’m sorry. I must have pushed you too hard. Am I doing the right thing marrying Anita?” Brian whispered._

“ _Brian, honey. What are you doing sitting here? We should leave now. Our appointment is at 10. You know how stiff those people at city hall can be.” A petite woman with brown hair walked to studio where Brian sat, staring at a bass guitar._

_Brian quickly wiped his eyes and turned to the woman whom he was going to share the rest of his life with._

_“Brian honey, what’s wrong?” Anita was concerned about the redness in Brian’s eyes, “were you thinking about him?”_

_Brian smiled at how well this woman has gotten to know him over the past 10 years. It was a special bond they managed to form. He was always comfortable with her, never kept any secrets. If there was a soulmate for him in this world, Brian often thought, it would be Anita._

_He grabbed Anita’s hands and rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her hands, “Anita, are you sure about this?”_

_“About what? Marrying you? Of course! I’m not a twenty-year old bird Brian. I won’t has said yes if I wasn’t sure.” Anita ridiculed him._

_“Even though you know what kind of a man I am? Even though you know I can never love you the way you deserve?”_

_“Yes, Brian.” Anita smiled, “you were honest with me from the start and I thank you for that. I trust you and I love you. I want to share my life with you and take care of you. And I know you trust me and will take good care of me. That is a good enough marriage to me.”_

_Brian grabbed the petite woman for a tight hug. “I do love you Anita. I am very lucky to be able to share life with you and take care of you. I’m sorry when the press blamed you for my failed marriage with Chrissie, I did not stand up for you.”_

_“Pssh, I could care less about what the bloody media says. The British press is full of scoundrels.”_

_Brian hummed in agreement. He would never forgive how those bastards hounded Freddie during his last few days on earth, pretty much imprisoned him in his own home. Brian would gladly wring each of their necks if he could._

_“But Brian honey, we really have to leave now.” Anita said in a matter of fact manner, “or I may actually change my mind about marrying you.”_

_“Your wish is my command my fair lady.” Brian smiled._

“So, Brian got married again?” Even though John knew he has no one but himself to blame for this, he still can’t help feeling a pang of jealousy forming in his guts.

Freddie nodded, “well, you don’t want him to him to spend the rest of his life alone either. Right, Deaky?”

“That’s true.”

2005

_John quietly walked to his wife’s room after brushing his teeth and washing his face in the bathroom, hoping to wish her happy anniversary before she woke up. They have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for many years now on the excuse of different sleep schedule. It’s true, John got up so early nowadays, barely at the crack of dawn while everyone else is still snoozing in dreamland._

_It’s their 30 th wedding anniversary, quite an achievement in everyone’s eyes in this day and age, especially considering he use to be a rock star in one of the most successful bands in England. But only John and Veronica knew the bitterness behind it. _

_John opened the bedroom door carefully, still not able to stop the creak from the old hinges. To his surprise, his wife’s bed is not only empty, but already well made up._

_John walked down the stairs toward the light in the dining room. There was Veronica, sitting by the dining room with prepared tea and toast on the table in front of her, reading a magazine._

_“Happy anniversary, Ronnie.” John bent down and gave his wife a chaste kiss on the cheek._

_“Happy anniversary to you too John.” Veronica pulled out a chair, “have a seat and have some breakfast.”_

_John took a bite of his favorite cheese on toast, “how come you got up so early dear?”_

_“I have something important to talk to you about John.” Veronica looked at him. Through the love in her blue eyes John swear he could detect a sense of pity._

_“What is it?” John took a sip of the tea._

_Veronica pulled 2 legal sized papers from the pages of the magazine she was reading. They were 2 identical documents with fine prints that was signed with her name on the bottom. Beside her name was an empty line waiting to be signed._

_It did not take John long to fire out what they were. He almost dropped the tea cup he was holding._

_“What the hell Ronnie? Why do you shove divorce papers in front of me on the day of our 30 th anniversary?” John exasperated. _

_“John would you please stop this pretense.” Veronica raised her voice, “our marriage had been over a long, long time ago and you knew it. Now I just want to make it official so we can both finally move on.”_

_John sat down his cup. Avoiding Veronica’s gaze, he muttered, “you knew?”_

_“Oh God, John. I really pity you sometimes.” Veronica shook her head, “even today you can’t mention his name, can’t tell me the truth. I have known for more than twenty years John. Do you think I’m stupid? All those nights you said you guys spent in the studio recording and I saw pictures of Roger drunk at some party on the tabloids. All those dinner parties we had with Brian and Chrissie when you guys exchange looks that you thought were oh so subtle. All those hickeys and bites that I found on you that I am sure I did not leave. And it might be a news to you John. Chrissie and I do talk to each other.”_

_Drowned in overwhelming guilt, John could only manage a quiet “I’m sorry.”_

_“Forget it John.” Veronica let out a deep sigh, “I managed. I tolerated for the children. As long as you still cared for our kids, I could tolerate anything. And you did, I guess I should thank you for that. You are a better father than you are a husband. Now even Luke is 21 and finishing uni, we have fulfilled our duties to them. There is absolutely no reason to continue this charade. You know, recently I often thought I really should have ended this way earlier, such a waste of time.”_

_John covered his face with his hands, and took a deep sigh. “I’m sorry Ronnie. I am a failure. I don’t deserve you, and you deserve so much better.”_

_“Yes, I do. And you are a lucky man John Deacon.” Veronica replied sarcastically, “I don’t want anything from you except what is lawfully mine and this house. I don’t want to leave or sell this house; all the kids grew up here and there are too many memories. You are welcome to continue stay here if you please. You will always have your room. We have been living separate lives for a long time now anyway. So now would you please sign these to set me free, to set yourself free.”_

John could not stomach the scene in front of him. To watch the marriage he had tried so hard to continue on for so long at the expense of his own happiness, Veronica’s happiness, and Brian’s happiness, still shred to pieces in the end. Is it remorse, is it relief, John can’t tell. If this was going to be the end anyway, was it worth the effort to make everyone’s lives so miserable for so many years.

“Are you alright Deaky?” His friend asked while rubbing his shoulder.

John chuckled sadly, “I guess in the end I am the one with nothing and no one left. Serves me right.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1974 universe where John proposed to Veronica. The 1990s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the first universe comes to full circle. The end is the start of the 1992 universe:). Hope you enjoy.

1991

_“Wait a bit here Brian.” Jim said to him as they reached the door to Freddie’s bedroom. “I will go see if Freddie is awake yet. Recently he has been unconscious for about 16 hours a day.”_

  _Brian nodded. He could hear Jim’s voice through the door gently calling to his partner. It wasn’t long before Jim returned to open the door for him, beaconing him to come in._

_“Brian?” Freddie’s voice sounded weak. Just a couple of weeks since he last saw his dear friend, Freddie had gone paler and gaunter. His skin almost peeling off his bones and are covered in blotches that Brian learnt are Kaposi Sarcoma. His eyes show no life behind. It seems that even breathing was a chore for Freddie yet he still managed to hold up a hand to Brian. “Brian dear, I can’t really see you anymore. Come here.”_

_Brian rushed forward and grabbed Freddie’s hand. “Oh Freddie.” Brian’s voice cracked with emotions._

_“Don’t tell me you are crying, Brian. Because I will have to kick you out. I just kicked Miami out the other day because he was balling like a little girl. I can still tell even if I can’t see you know.”_

_Brian let out a chuckle and wiped away the tears that are starting to drop down his face. He cleared his voice, “Freddie…” It is unusual for him to be at lost with words, but he couldn’t stomach the fact that his magnificent and lively friend been reduced to barely a human being._

_“Brian dear.” Freddie seemed to know exactly what he is thinking, “you don’t have to try to make conversation. Just you coming to see me is enough. If you really feel you need to talk, tell me about your life. How have you been?”_

_Brian smiled. Freddie always had a gift of making other people comfortable. He gave Freddie’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Well, I am trying to get my messy life back in order. I met with family lawyer to go through my father’s affairs. I am still begging Chrissie to let me see Jimmy, Louisa, and Emily. I may be imagining, but I think she is finally showing some signs of softening up. I have been working on some solo projects, as well as writing songs with Roger.”_

_“That’s great news, Brian. Don’t worry too much about Chrissie. She’s a reasonable woman. She will eventually let you back to see your kids. You are their Daddy. And please continue to write songs and make music after I am gone. I want our music to be heard generation after generation. How is Deaky, by the way. I haven’t seen him since I left Montreaux.”_

_Brian lowered his head and sighed, “I haven’t seen much of him lately either. He seemed to have retreated to his own little cocoon.”_

_Freddie shook his head with some effort. “You know I had a wonderful life Brian, and I rather prefer to die young rather than grow to be some old fart.”_

_“Of course, Freddie.” Brian laughed softly._

_“But if I was wishing somethings in my life to be different, then I wish I was more secure about who I was when I was younger. I wish I could have met Jim earlier and had more time with him.” Freddie lovingly rubbed the ring hanging loosely on his left hand ring finger. “Now the only concern I have before leaving this world is you and Deaky, how you two will continue on.”_

_“Freddie…” Brian didn’t know how to reply. It warms and burns his heart at the same time to hear Freddie still concerned about his forbidden love affair on the deathbed._

_“It’s so ironic that you two are the most responsible human beings I know,” Freddie continued, “and yet you involve yourselves in a messy affair like this. If it was not for the fact you genuinely love each other, I would not be wasting my last few brain cells worrying.”_

_“What should I do Freddie?” Brian asked, rather desperately. “This has been going on for so long. I can’t seem quit him no matter how hard I try. I am at lost at what to do.”_

_“You always think you can live forever Brian. You are vegetarian, you don’t smoke, you take good care of yourself. You think you would have all the time in the world and things can wait. But maybe one day, like me, you realize you don’t have time left. What are you going to do then? Aren’t you going to regret that you didn’t spend enough time with the one you truly loved?”_

_Brian was silent._

_“Brian, do you still love Deaky?” Freddie continued through Brian’s silence._

_Brian nodded. “Yes, of course. And I know he still loves me.” He voiced remember Freddie couldn’t see him. “But you know Deaky, he would never leave Veronica and his kids.” Brian sighed in resignation._

_“Have you ever asked him that though? Ask him to make a choice.”_

_“No…” Brian whispered._

_“If you didn’t have all the time in the world left, wouldn’t you regret you never even had the courage to ask?”_

John was balling on his grandfather’s shoulders. “I don’t want Freddie to die. And I didn’t even go say goodbye to him? What is wrong with me?

“It’s okay Johnnie.” His grandpa patted his back, “your friend had an amazing life. You had always been a scared boy. He understands. He doesn’t hate you.”

1992

_Brian and John were the only 2 wanderers on the street of this quiet neighborhood. They did not talk, just silently walked side by side with syncing strides. Eventually sat down on a bench in a side park off the street. John turned to look at his companion, who still seems to be deep in thought._

_“I haven’t seen you since Freddie’s funeral, how have you been?” John asked carefully._

_“Struggling to keep myself alive.” Brian sighed, humming the tune of their song from 20 years ago._

_Tears welled up in John’s eyes when his memory drifted back to the period when they recorded this song, only shortly after he first joined the band._

_“Freddie…” John murmured under his breathe._

_“Yet you couldn’t move your sorry ass to see him for one last time.” Brian eyed him, with an accusatory look._

_“I couldn’t, Brian. It was too hard to see him so sick.” John closed his eyes and let the tears stream down his cheeks. “I am a coward.”_

_“That I know.” Brian replied coldly._

_Feeling sorry for his harsh words, Brian sled closer and wrapped an arm around the smaller man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”_

_Shaking his head, John covered his face with his hands and naturally leaned onto Brian’s shoulder. “No, you are right. I am a coward.”_

_Brian pressed a gentle kiss on John’s head and let out a deep sigh, “Deaky, do you remember about 8 years ago you said you wanted out of this charade, you only wanted to be with me?”_

_John looked up to Brian’s hazel eyes, batted his eyelashes glittered with a mist of tears and nodded. “Yes.”_

_“Do you feel the same way today?” Brian lifted his other hand and wiped away the tears from John’s cheeks._

_“Of course.” John confirmed without a hint of doubt. “I have always loved you Brian, no matter who I am with. You know that.”_

_“Then let’s do it”. Brian said, “end this charade.”_

_“What do you mean?” John stuttered, asking even though he knew exactly what Brian meant._

_“Don’t be daft Deaky, you know I want you to be with me, only me.”_

_John turned away from Brian, “I can’t Brian. I want to. God I want to! But Luke is only 8. I can’t just leave everything to Ronnie…”_

_Feeling Brian’s arm dropping from his shoulder, John grabbed his hand. “Brian, just wait a couple of years. Wait until they are a bit older. We have waited for so long already…”_

_Brian shrugged off John’s hand. “It’s always the same response from you John. Wait, wait, wait. I am tired of waiting. Hasn’t Freddie’s death taught you anything? We may not have time! It could have been you. It could have been me. “_

_Brian hunched over and dropped his face in palms of his hands. John has not seen him so vulnerable for a long time. Not when he turned all yellow from contracting hepatitis, not when he had no where to go during his divorce fight with Chrissie, not even at his father or Freddie’s funeral. John could not help but wrap his arms around the taller man._

_As if drawing to the warmth of John’s touch like a moth to a flame. Brian leaned on his mob of curls on John’s slender shoulder._

_“I am at the end of my rope Deaky. Chrissie has left me for good. My kids won’t talk to me. My father is gone, and now so is Freddie. This is probably the end of Queen. I don’t even know if I will be able to continue making music. I have nothing and no one else left except you. If you leave me, I have nothing else to live for”. Brian sobbed._

_John brought his hand to comb through Brian’s curls gently. “You will always have me, Brian. I will never leave you.”_

_Brian looked up to John’s green eyes, “I want you one hundred percent Deaky. No more hiding, no more pretending. Life is too short for lies and pretense.”_

_Brian pressed his quivering lips to John’s in a chaste but passionate kiss. John is still awed at how warmth emits from deep of his groin to his whole body every time their lips met, for the past 16 years._

_Brian let go, ghosted his thumb over John’s swollen lower lip. “I don’t know what the future will hold, but I know it will be bleak without you.” Brian said gently, “do you really think a smart woman like Veronica doesn’t know? Chrissie has known about us for years. Life is too short Deaky. It’s now or never”._

_Brian sealed their lips in another lingering kiss before getting up from the bench. “I will give you a week to decide. Let me know when we start in the studio next week.”_

_With that, John watched the love of his life walked away without turning back._

_“You should go home, mate. We have to close.” Pub owner scratched his head to find the most diplomatic way of sending his last drunken customer out._

_John swayed on the street with a bottle of gin in his hand. Freezing rain soaked his hair plastering them to his face and drenched his jacket. Yet he seemed to be numb. Numb to the cold, numb to the pain._

_‘It’s now or never.’ Brian’s firm words from earlier that day still ring in John’s ears. “Why does he have to push me so hard!” John shouted into the darkness._

“Stop! Please.” John closed his eyes are cried. He can’t take this anymore, all the emotions rushing through him as if he was riding a rollercoaster.

His grandfather snapped his fingers and it was quiet again. “You don’t want to see more son?”

John shook his head violently. “No, this is a horrible universe. No matter how I choose, I am doomed. I don’t want any of this to happen.”  

John curled up on the ground, with his head buried between his knees. His grandfather sat quietly beside him, only provided comforting pat on his back. After John had got better control of his emotions, he looked at his grandpa.

“So what happens if I don’t propose to Ronnie?” John asked.

His grandfather nodded, “we can definitely go to that universe, Johnnie.” With a snap of fingers, it was the year 1975 again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1992 Universe where John did not divorce Veronica. The 2010s.

September, 2018

_“No, Mr. John Deacon does not live here anymore. He hasn’t lived here for years….No I do not know where he is.”_

_Veronica quickly ended the conversation with an annoying stranger and hang up the phone as her youngest son walked through the front door. “Luke!” She greeted her son with a hug and kiss. He is almost an exact replica of John in his younger days._

_“Mom, people still call here trying to find Dad? Why can’t you just tell them to fuck off.” Luke laughed._

_“Oh, believe me, I have tried.” Veronica rolled her eyes. “They just don’t seem to believe me when I tell them John has not lived here for years.”_

_“That’s because Dad has almost no social contact anymore. People think he still is the way he was in the 90s. He is still planning to come down for Liam’s birthday next week right?” Luke asked._

_“Oh yeah. Don’t worry, he won’t miss his grandson’s first birthday. Do you want some tea?” Veronica beaconed her son to sit at the breakfast table while she busied herself in the kitchen._

_“You know who called me the other day trying to find Dad? Uncle Brian.” Luke mentioned nonchalantly as he sat down, not noticing how his mother froze in place at the mention of the name. “It turns out the movie about them, Bohemian Rhapsody is having premier ceremony and Wembley at the end of October. He wants to ask if Dad is interested in going.”_

_“So what did you tell him?” Veronica asked, keeping her voice calm._

_“I told him Dad’s cell number, but also informed him that Dad still has a flip phone which doesn’t work half of the time and he forgets to charge it the other half. So the best way to find him is probably to knock on his door in Leicester.”_

_“You told him your father’s address?” Veronica sounded surprised. John was pretty adamant that no one outside family was to know his address._

_Luke shook his head. “Nah, I probably would have if he asked. It’s not like it’s anyone else. It’s uncle Brian. He’s family. But he didn’t. I said Dad will be coming to Liam’s first birthday party at the end of the month and he is also welcome if he wants to see Dad.”_

_“So is he coming?” Veronica asked._

_“No. I guess he isn’t really interested in seeing Dad. So I met him for tea the other day, he gave me 4 tickets to the ceremony. 2 for Dad and presumably you, 2 for me and Emily.” Luke took a ticket from his pocket and placed it on the table. “Sorry I couldn’t ask for a ticket for Tim because I know you want to keep your life rather private.”_

_Veronica’s heart warmed at how considerate her son is. “Don’t worry about it, it’s not his scene anyway. So are you going to go to the premier?”_

_“Yeah, Emily and I would love to go if we can find a babysitter. Are you volunteering, Mom?” Luke smiled cheekily at his mother. “Unless you were planning to go.”_

_“Brat, I knew you didn’t just drop by because you missed your mother.” Veronica laughed. She did not mind spending more time with her newest grandson at all._

October 2018

_I knew I should have just stayed in Leicester. John mumbled to himself. Nowadays he lives in a small house in Leicester close to his childhood home, away from all the crazy metropolitan of London. He got use to a much simpler life, when no one recognize him when he walked leisurely on the quiet streets. He would spend days or even weeks sometimes without talking to anyone. He only came down to London a couple times a year to see his grandchildren and spend a night or two at his old house._

_The mass of crowd at Wembley was getting overwhelming. Despite the chilly autumn evening, John could feel sweat break on his forehead. But he was curious. Curious of how the movie turned out, curious of how they portrayed him, curious of how Brian is now._

_Bloody bastards. They had an American play me? He grunted softly when he saw Joe Mazzello walking on stage. But he does admit that young American actor look a lot like himself. He would even suspect that Joe’s an unknown son if he hadn’t known better._

_John can’t help but let out a snicker when he saw Roger on stage. It’s just about totally dark and Roger still had shades on. Haven’t you heard of contacts, silly fool. God he missed mate. Then he saw Brian, and his heart started racing again. Over seventy years of age, yet Brian still looked tall and handsome. His back is still so straight and voice soulful. God, how does he do that? John thought. Even though all grey, his curls are still luscious and hang around his shoulder. The greyness only making his look more distinctive. John winced his own balding head in striking contrast. John thought about the last time he saw Brian in flesh, more than twenty years ago in the studio recording the video for ‘No-one but you’. Has it really been that long? John felt it was only yesterday because he did not spend a single day in the past twenty years thinking about Brian, thinking about the time they were together._

_The movie begins. Beautiful Freddie, in his twenties, with shoulder length black hair, handsome Brian, with unruly dark curls, pretty Roger, with sun kissed blond hair, and even plain himself with his long brown locks appears on the screen. The familiar melodies rang in his ears. Their voices, their laughter, their songs. Memories of almost a half century ago rushed in and suddenly it was too much for John. He found it hard to breathe. His heart was weak and can’t take much emotional stress. His doctor told him so._

_Holding onto the railing, John slowly walked out of the stadium. He sat on a curb panting, trying hard to catch his breathe. A nice stranger passed by and gently touched his shoulder asking if he was okay. John smiled and nodded._

_Meanwhile, he could still hear Bohemian Rhapsody playing from the stadium._

_Is this the real life_  
Is this just fantasy  
Caught in a landslide  
No escape from reality…

“Fred, I think I have seen enough.” John took a deep breathe and sighed. He sat on the ground and stared at aimlessly at his hands.

Freddie sat beside him, didn’t say anything. After a while, John turned to his friend, “Freddie, just tell me. Is the other universe better?”

Freddie shook his head, “I can’t tell you that Deaky. You have to be the judge for yourself.”

With that, Freddie snapped his fingers, and it is back to the year 1995.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters today because they are short. The first 2 universes are done, lots of angst and sadness. The next two universes will have more cuteness and fluff :P.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1974 Universe where John did not propose to Veronica. 1970s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for happier and fluffier stuff. Have to say this part is much easier to write :P. Hope you enjoy.

1975

_“I’m in love with my car. You can’t be fuckin serious Roger.” Brian can’t hold in laughter as he listened to the demo and almost spurted out his coffee._

_“Fuck off, Brian.” Roger grabbed a dish towel and threw at his bandmate across the breakfast table. “Deaky, what do you think?”_

_John raised his eyebrows while nibbling on his toast, “I don’t know Roger. What exactly were you planning to do to the car? And please, don’t you ever touch my car.”_

_Roger’s pale face turned red as the two bandmates sitting across from him broke out in a burst of laughter. “This is not fair. Ever since you two got together, you have been teaming up on me.” Roger complained with a pout as Freddie walked in._

_“What’s so funny darlings.” Freddie asked while pouring himself some coffee._

_“Fred, good thing you are here.” Brian replied while wiping off some tears from his eyes after too much laughing. “Listen to this, Roger’s declaration of his unrequited love for his vehicle.”_

_After Brian played the demo on the record player again, John can’t help but let out another laugh. Freddie looked at Roger with amusement on his face, “what were you planning to do with it?”_

_Roger batted his eyelashes at the older man, “I thought we could put it on the B side of the album.”_

_Freddie sipped his coffee and avoided Roger’s pleading gaze, “it’s a good start dear. But it’s a bit simple and odd don’t think you think?”_

_“Yes! That’s exactly what I said,” John agreed. “What is Roger doing to the car?”_

_“Bastards! All of you.” Roger yelled and stumped out of the kitchen._

_Tongue in cheek, John whispered to Brian sitting next to him, “did we go too far? He seems furious. He is very attached to that song.”_

_“Don’t worry Deaky.” Freddie waved his hand, “it’s Roger, always a drama queen.” He turned to the guitarist, “Brian, let’s hear your song.”_

_Brian put on his little attempt at sci-fi skiffle, ’39. Freddie and John hummed to the melody._

_“It’s a nice tune.” Freddie said, “is it about time travel or something? How you come back and found out everyone you knew is dead. Only you would write a song like that, brainy and depressing.”_

_Brian chuckled, “I don’t know. I feel like the music needs more layers, like if the bass could go an octave lower, then would be perfect.” He looked at John jokingly, “can you do that Deaky?”_

_John took the sheet of music from Brian’s hand and read carefully, “my regular bass won’t be able to go that low. It would have to be the double bass, but I have never played that before.”_

_“I don’t even think we have one here in the studio.” Freddie shook his head._

_“Then never mind.” Brian put an arm around John and patted his shoulders._

_*************************************************************************************************_

_It was a gray September afternoon with light drizzles and the farmhouse where they stayed to make the most successful album in their career was quiet except for the occasional soft sounds ballad from the piano. Brian put the kettle on to make some tea. He tried to open the largest cupboard in the kitchen to find sugar only to find it locked. That’s odd. Brian didn’t even know those cupboards could be locked. He tried to open the door with more force._

_“Stop it. It’s locked. Your sugar is in the drawer.” Roger’s voice came from inside the cupboard._

_“Roger? What the hell are you are you doing in there?” He didn’t want to admit that did gave him a little scare._

_“I am staying in this cupboard until you guys agree to have my song on the B side of the album.” Roger sounded determined._

_Brian didn’t know if he should laugh or cry at his friend’s ridiculous behavior. “Are you serious? How old are you Roger? Five?”_

_Hearing no response from Roger, Brian sighed. “Roger, I know you worked hard on that song and you are proud of it. We laughed at it this morning and we are sorry. We were just joking. It is a good song. I sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings this morning. So can you please come out of the cupboard and we can talk about this as adults?”_

_“No. I am not coming out until it’s on the B side. You can save your breathe, Brian.” Roger sounded determined._

_“Okay Roger. I agree to have it on the B side and I’m sure Deaky would be fine with it too. Now can you come out and we go talk to Freddie?” Brian asked again._

_“No. You go tell Freddie I am not coming out of the cupboard until he agrees to have my song on the B side of the album.”_

_The kettle whistled. Brian shook his head and went ahead to make tea. He poured himself a cup and took a cup to the piano room thinking it’s Freddie in there playing. To his surprise, he saw John sitting in front of the piano stroking the eyes with his long slender fingers._

_“Deaky! I thought it was Freddie here playing. When did you learn to play the piano?” Brian set the tea cups on top of the piano and sat down beside the bassist. He wrapped his long arms around John’s waist and kissed his cheek lightly._

_“I take that flattery please don’t let Freddie hear that. He would be furious that he was even compared to me. He is so much better. I just started learning it last week.” John grinned ear to ear._

_“What are you playing?” Brian looked at the sheet of music on the piano stand, “Oh you are the best friend that I’ve ever had, I’ve been with you such a long time, you are my sunshine and I want you to know. That my feelings are true, I really love you…Very nice Deaky. Who did you write this for?”  He leaned close to John and asked._

_A light shade of crimson started to spread from the younger man’s face to his neck. John turned away from Brian and replied nonchalantly, while still grinning, “no body.”_

_Brian loved when John blushed. He looked so adorable that Brian can’t help but kiss him. Brian showered kisses on John’s neck and murmured to his ear, “is it for me Deaky? Am I your best friend?”_

_The younger man nodded, shyly avoiding Brian’s gaze._

_“Can you play and sing this for me Deaky?” Brian whispered._

_“Brian, you know I can’t sing.” John shook his head._

_Brian tenderly brushed a strand of long brown locks behind John’s ear, “it’s okay Deaky. It’s just me, no one else. Please?”_

_John started playing. His fingers are not as agile as Freddie’s on the piano keys but the melody is still soft and smooth. Brian was drowned in his gentle voice and sincere words in the lyric._

Ooh, you make me live  
Whatever this world can give to me  
It's you you're all I see  
Ooh, you make me live now honey  
Ooh, you make me live

Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had  
I've been with you such a long time  
You're my sunshine and I want you to know  
That my feelings are true  
I really love you  
Oh, you're my best friend

Ooh, you make me live

 

_Brian tightened his hold on John’s waist. “That’s beautiful Deaky. I love you too.” John leaned into the warmth of the taller man’s hug, resting his head on Brian’s shoulder._

_The grandfather clock in the living room downstairs struck 5, waking them up from their cocoon. John looked up to Brian and asked, “what did you need to find Freddie for.”_

_“Oh right.” Brian remembered, “can you believe it. Roger locked himself in the cupboard. He refuse to come out until Freddie approves his car song to be on the B side of the album. We got to find Freddie before Roger suffocates in there._

_John rolled his eyes. “That drama queen.”_

_********************************************************_

_Three days after the cupboard incident, which resolved by needless to say, Roger getting his way and I’m in Love My Car is on the B side of the album, Brian found the other side of his bed empty in the wee hours of the morning when it’s still pitch black out the window. John and Brian had been sharing the same bed since they got to this farm house since both Freddie and Roger knew about their relationship. Besides, John’s small room in the basement gets way too cold during these early fall nights._

_Where did he go? Brian did not hear any sound in the bathroom. He got up, put on a robe and wandered out of the bedroom door. On his way downstairs, he saw Roger’s sprawled on his bed clad in his boxers through the ajar door. Brian shook his head, went into Roger’s room and tucked blankets around the blond. Freddie’s room door was shut but he could hear gentle snoring._

_As he got down the stairs, Brian could hear the tune of his song ’39 played by an instrument he did not recognize. The guitarist followed the tune to the studio and there was John in an old T-shirt and shorts, sitting on a stool with the music sheet of ’39 in the stand in front him, and practicing the bass line of the song on an old double bass. The sight warmed Brian’s heart and he even felt his eyes start to water a bit. He stood there, unable to move, mesmerized by the 24-year-old young man, brows knitted in a frown, head nodding to the beat while slender fingers stroke the chords of the clumsy instrument._

_As the music came to an end, Brian’s claps caused John to look in his direction and give him a sheepish smile. Brian walked over, cupped John’s face and kissed him passionately on the lips until they were both struggling to breathe._

_“Where did you find this instrument? I thought we didn’t have a double bass.” Brian asked after he caught his breathe, still holding onto John by the waist._

_John shrugged his shoulders, “I asked Paul to get me one after we had that chat with Freddie the other morning. He was able to bring it over at the end of the day.”_

_“So you were hiding it and practicing on it secretly during the night?” Brian asked brushing John’s brown locks with his fingers._

_“I wanted to give you a surprise. Did I sound okay?” John asked the taller man hesitantly._

_Brian felt his heart just soared. He pulled John into a tight hug and nuzzled in John’s hair. “It was magnificent Deaky. You are magnificent. Thank you. You are the single best thing that had ever happened to me. And the last year with you had been the happiest in my life. I love you so much Deaky.”_

_“I love you too, Brian.” John sighed._

“That’s very sweet.” John smiled embarrassedly toward his grandfather.

His grandfather chuckled, “don’t be embarrassed, son. Young love. You both look happy.”

“But what happened to Ronnie?” John can’t help asking.

“We can definitely see that.” His grandpa nodded.

1977

_“…Do you take this woman, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, until death do thou apart…”_

“What the hell? How come I am at a wedding ceremony with Ronnie again?” John turned to his grandfather, wide eyed.

“Relax Johnnie, you are not the groom.”

John looked carefully. His grandfather was right. Standing across from Veronica in a wedding dress as a tall handsome man with dirty brown curls in a white tuxedo. He was standing in the audience, shorter hair, with Brian by his side.

_“John!” Upon hearing his name, John turned around to see Veronica still in her wedding gown walking toward him._

_“Ronnie.” John opened his arms and gave his former girlfriend a hug. “Congratulations Ronnie! Beautiful ceremony._

_“Thanks. I’m so glad you could come John.” Veronica let go of John, turning around to the man beside her, “John, you have met my husband Richard right?”_

_John nodded, offering his hand the groom. “Congratulations.”_

_“Glad you could make it. I’m a big fan of Queen. Can’t wait for you to play.” Richard shook John’s hand. Noticing that his newly wed wife seemed want to talk to the smaller man alone, Richard excused himself to go greet other guests._

_John took Veronica’s hands in his, “Really Ronnie. I am so happy for you. Richard seems like a great guy. Listen, about before, I can’t help but apologize again…”_

_“Stop John.” Veronica squeezed John’s hand and smiled, “it’s all in the past. I was hurt, a lot, but not anymore. At least you were honest with me. And if we didn’t break up, how would I have ever met Richard? He is a great guy. I am lucky to have him. I hope we can stay friends.”_

_John kissed Veronica’s hands, “I would love that, Ronnie.”_

_“How are you John?” Veronica asked._

_“I couldn’t be better.” John grinned ear to ear._

_“I’m happy for you too John.” Veronica smiled, eyeing Brian standing not too far away watching them. She took her hand and gently brushed John’s brown hair, “your life will be difficult, John. But please know that you will always have my support. Hang in there and I know you will power through.”_

_She leaned in and lightly kissed John’s cheek. “Say hi to the boys for me.” With that, Veronica left to find her newly wed husband._

_Maybe a little jealousy burning in his stomach as Brian watched the intimate gestures between John and Veronica, he walked over and possessively put an arm around the younger man’s shoulders._

_“Do you regret this is not your wedding, Deaky?” Brian asked quietly._

_John looked up at him in amusement, “do you regret not marrying Chrissie, Brian?”_

_Brian shook his head, “nah, weddings are overrated.”_

_“I agree.” John chuckled._

_“Come on,” Brian slapped John’s shoulder, “we got to find Roger and Freddie. It’s almost time for us to play. This open bar is a bad idea, I bet they are wasted already.”_

_“Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls. Today we have the honor of having one of the most popular rock band in England and the world performing live at this reception in celebration of the love between Richard and Veronica. Now let’s invite the bride and the groom on the dance floor to share their first dance as husband and wife. And let’s give a warm welcome to Queen!”_

_The crowd of guests went wild. Freddie sat by the electronic piano and started the soft ballad of Love of My Life. Brian and John looked at each other longingly across the stage and smiled while the pair of newly wed moved gracefully on the dance floor._

“How do you feel Johnnie?” His grandfather put an arm around John’s shoulder and asked, “do you feel bitter? Sour?”

“Surprisingly not.” John shook his head and smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 1992 universe where John divorced Veronica. The 1990s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sweetness. Hope you enjoy.

1994

_“You know, it’s uncanny. Whenever I hear Freddie’s voice through the speaker, I still feel he’s right here with us.” Roger lit a cigarette as he and John smoked in the tearoom of their recording studio._

_“How do you know he’s not.” John puffed a smoke, “I bet he is laughing at your ridiculous haircut right now.”_

_“Brian’s sci-fi mind is rubbing off on you Deaky. You got to be careful before you become crazy like him and curly hair start to grow out of your head too.” Roger stuck out his tongue at the younger man._

_John snickered and finished the last smoke before putting the cigarette butt down._

_“Roger, I’m done, it’s your turn now.” Brian called out to his blond bandmate as he entered the tearoom._

_“Oh, here comes the fun killer.” Roger reluctantly killed his half cigarette as he saw Brian enter the room._

_John smiled. He got up and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. He glanced at the clock on the wall that read 3:30pm. “I think I’m done for today. You guys okay if I leave now? I will finish my part up tomorrow.” He said as he put on his jacket._

_“Sure thing.” Replied Roger, “but where are you going Deaky?”_

_“Got to take care of some business.” John smiled mysteriously as he turned around to start walking toward the door._

_“Deaky…” Brian called as he grabbed John’s shoulder._

_John patted Brian’s hand on his shoulder, “I will see you at home Brian.” With that, he zipped up his jacket and walked toward the door._

_“Recently, he’s been leaving at this time pretty frequently. Where is he going?” Roger’s curiosity is getting the better of him._

_“Your guess is as good as mine.” Brian shook his head and poured himself some tea._

_“But you two live together.” Roger commented._

_“That doesn’t mean we are joined at the hips.” Brian took a sip of his tea. “There’s got to be some personal space.”_

_“Aren’t you curious though? What if he has a hot date?” Roger wondered._

_Brian almost spurted his tea. “Hot date at 3:30 in the afternoon? For what? Tea party?”_

_Roger got up from his chair, grabbed his coat and run toward the door while yelling, “I’m going to bounce early too Brian, will finish tomorrow.”_

_“Wait.” Before Brian could react, Roger is out of his sight._

_Just as Brian is finishing his tea and getting ready to go back to the recording studio to get more work done, his beeper rang. It is a message from Roger telling him to meet at an address in southwest London as soon as possible._

_“What the hell.” Brian muttered. Concerned that it might actually be something serious, Brian grabbed his jacket and left the studio._

_The address Roger sent turned out to be a small, quiet park at the side of the neighborhood street. Roger was hiding behind shrubbery looking into the park. When he saw Brian, he waved the guitarist over._

_“What are you doing here?” Before Brian could continue, Roger covered his mouth._

_“Would you please lower your voice.” Roger scolded in a hushed tone._

_Brian frowned and looked at the direction Roger was staring. To his surprise, he saw John, with a boy of 11 or 12 years of age whom he did not immediately recognize._

_“That’s Cameron.” Roger whispered. Brian suddenly remembered. The boy was indeed John’s second youngest son Cameron. They haven’t seen him for a couple of years, he has grown quite a bit taller compared to Brian’s memory._

_So that’s what Deaky has been doing all those afternoons. Brian realized with a heavy pang of guilt in his heart. Oh Deaky, his sweet, considerate Deaky. He mustn’t want Brian to see how pathetic he was trying to reconnect to his children so Brian wouldn’t feel sad for him, to relieve his lover the burden of guilt for the situation which Brian know he has caused._

_“Dad, I wish you could visit us sometimes.” Brian heard Cameron complain. “We all miss you so much. Laura was crying to Mum the other day wanting to see you after they had a big row. Josh is quiet and Luke is snarky, but I know they both miss you.”_

_John sighed and hugged his son. “I know Cam. You have no idea how much I miss all of you. You can bring them here you know, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If they want to come.”_

_Cameron nodded. “I will ask them.”_

_“How are Robbie and Michael. Are they enjoying uni? Enjoying the freedom?” John asked._

_“I think so. Robbie still comes home once a week or so. Michael hardly ever comes home anymore, only when he runs out of clean cloth or food. Or that’s what Mum said.”_

_John couldn’t help but laugh at his son’s childish comment. “How is your mother by the way.”_

_“She is okay. I think she just works too hard and is too tired. That’s why she is short with us sometimes and why she and Laura just can’t get along.” Cameron replied sadly._

_John rubbed the boy’s dark hair, “you help her Cam. You are a big boy now.”_

_Cameron nodded. “I do Dad. I wash the dishes on Monday and Tuesday while Laura does them on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Luke does the weekend. Josh helps to clean the table and kitchen.”_

_“That’s good. You are all such good kids. Dad is proud of each one of you.” John turned and brought a gift box out of the bag sitting on the bench. He handed it to his son and said, “it’s Luke’s birthday tomorrow. Can you pass on the present I got him? Don’t let him or your mother know it’s from me to avoid unnecessary fuss.”_

_Cameron’s face lit up in a smile. “Oh, don’t worry Dad. I won’t tell Mum. Luke will say something sarcastic but I know he will be ecstatic to get a gift from you, Dad.”_

_Brian wiped a drop of tear from the corner of his eye. He turned and walked away causing Roger to follow him quietly. He can’t bear looking at the scene anymore. He didn’t regret giving John the ultimatum two years ago because he had been so deliriously happy these past two years that he didn’t think it was possible. And he was sure John is equally as happy._

_He knew there were consequences. He knew there were wounds. But he didn’t expect them to hurt this much. Watching the interaction between John and his son in the park, Brian felt multiple kicks in the gut. He felt even more painful than when his own kids wouldn’t talk to him._

_“I’m sorry Deaky. I will try to make it up to you.” Brian murmured under his breathe while a plan was forming in his head._

_********************************************************************************************************_

_Brian was pacing anxiously back and forth on the porch in front of John’s old house in Southwest of London. He was not able to get a wink of sleep the previous night which he spent watching John in peaceful slumber while stroking his now soft graying hair. This early spring morning, Brian snuck out of the recording studio the first chance he got._

_Even if Veronica did give him a chance to speak, Brian was not sure what he was going to say. He had not felt this nervous for a long time. He just knew he had to do this. He had to do this for Deaky._

_“What are you doing here?” Veronica shot Brian an icy glare as she was coming up the porch from her car. She was still pretty and well put together, but definitely looked older and thinner than the last time Brian saw her a couple of years ago._

_“Ronnie?” Brian said hesitantly._

_“Please stop calling me that. And you should know you are not welcome here, Mr. May.” Veronica snapped._

_Brian sighed. He knew this was going to be difficult. “Ms. Tezlaff, I came to talk to you.”_

_“I don’t think we have anything to talk about. I have a busy schedule today so if you could please leave.” Veronica walked past Brian toward the front door of the house._

_Brian stood between the woman and the door. “Veronica, please just hear me out for a minute. I want to talk to you about John and your kids.”_

_Veronica froze at the mention of her ex-hushand’s name. She turned away from Brian, “if you are here to laugh or pity at me. I suggest you leave now. I get it! John left. He left me and the children. You have him now. What else do you want?”_

_“Veronica. I now you don’t want to hear me say sorry, but I really am. It’s a difficult situation for everyone.” Brian took a deep breath. “John loves you. He never stopped loving you. He left because he loves you and wants to be honest with you. He loves his kids and it’s breaking his heart to not be able to see them.”_

_“Well, he should have thought about that before he left.” Shoulders shuddering, Veronica’s voice cracked and Brian could tell she was crying._

_He tentatively put a hand on Veronica’s shoulder which she immediately shrugged off. Brian sighed and walked in front of her. “I know you are angry Veronica. I know you hate me. You hate John. But did you think about the kids? John is still their father. Can you tell me now that they don’t miss him?”_

_Veronica sobbed harder while Brian offered her a tissue. He continued, “when Chrissie first divorced me, she didn’t let me see Jimmy, Louisa and Emily for a good three years. I missed them so much that it was killing me every day. In the end, she backed down because she knew they missed me too. I know this is hard for you Veronica. John had hurt you deeply and you want to get back at him by not letting see the children he loves. But I also know each one of your kids miss John. Do you think it’s fair for them to deprive the chance of seeing their father?”_

_Brian did not say anything else, just offered more tissues to the teary woman. They stood there in silence except for Veronica’s quiet sobs. When she calmed down, she asked, “John told you to come today didn’t he? He doesn’t have the guts to see me himself.”_

_Brian shook his head and smiled sadly, “no. John doesn’t know about this at all. He understood you are angry and respected your decision. I came because I couldn’t stand to see John, you, and the kids all suffering so much. You have always been a kind and generous woman Veronica. I don’t expect you to change your mind. You need to take your time. But just think about what I said okay?”_

_Brian zipped up the collar of his Jacket and walked into the early spring rain. He never expected to hear the words, “Luke is going to have a birthday party today afternoon. Everyone will be here around 5. If John wants to drop by, it’s not the worst thing in the world.”_

_Brian was so excited that he almost ran up to Veronica and gave her a hug. He stopped himself and just choked out, “thank you Veronica. Thank you so much!”_

_As Veronica went inside the house, Brian could not tell the drops on his face were rain or tears of joy._

“Ronnie is an amazing woman.” John sighed.

Freddie nodded in agreement, “and Brian really loves you.”

1997

_“Deaky!” Roger got up from the recliner as he saw his friend walked through the door of the lounge. He grabbed John in a bear hug which John gladly reciprocated._

_“Roger, you and your ridiculous shades.” John laughed as he shook his head. “Can’t you just wear regular glasses or get contact lens?”_

_“Hey, I’m a rock star, not a nerd.” Roger sat back on the recliner chair and beaconed John to sit on the leather sofa beside him. “Come sit. Anything to drink, Deaky? Coffee? Tea? Booze?”_

_“Tea would be fine.” John replied as he sat down._

_Roger used the phone on the side table to order tea for John and more wine for himself._

_“You have gone soft Roger. You drink wine now? No more hard liquor?” John snickered._

_Roger shook his head, “not getting any younger, Deaky.”_

_“So this is where you hang out now? VIP club lounge.” John raised his eyebrows as he looked around the fancy room._

_“Just some peace and quiet from home, mate.” Roger lit a cigarate while offering John one._

_John shook his head. “I quit. Brian made me.”_

_“I knew this would happen!” Roger exclaimed. “So where is Brian?”_

_“He’s coming from the recording studio. Will be here any minute.”_

_Roger leaned back and sighed, “since we made that Made in Heaven album, we don’t get to hang out as much anymore. I feel like I haven’t seen you two in ages. What have you been up to?”_

_John poured himself some tea and sipped. “Brian has been busy recording his solo projects, and also saving all the badgers in England. I have just been a home body really, reading some books, spending time with my kids. Oh, I enrolled back into the master program in electrical engineering at uni, the one I dropped out in 1974. But this time I think I will transition to doctorate program.”_

_“Oh wow, good for you Deaky. Brian will be so jealous.” Roger laughed._

_“Who will I be jealous of?” Brian’s voice came from behind the pair as he walked through the door._

_“Brian!” Roger set down his wine glass and jumped onto the taller man._

_“Wow easy Roger. You are not as petite as 20 years ago and my back is not as sturdy.” Brian chuckled as he tightly hugged his blond friend._

_Brian bent down to gently peck John’s temple before sitting down beside him on the sofa causing the bassist to flush for a short moment. Even after so many years, John still blushes at Brian’s intimate gestures in public even though this is just in front of Roger._

_“Deaky is just telling me how he enrolled back into his doctorate degree he left 20 years ago.” Roger filled Brian in on the conversation._

_Brian smiled proudly and rubbed his lover on the back, “I know. It’s great isn’t it? I am going to get my astronomy doctorate one of these days too.”_

_“Of course, you will.” Roger rolled his eyes._

_“What did you call us here for Roger?” John asked, “it can’t just be because you missed us.”_

_“Well, I do miss you guys.” Roger said matter of fact. “But I also have something else on mind.” He turned to Brian, “I heard the demo of the song ‘No-one But You’, Brian. I think it’s great. We should record it.”_

_“I sent you that months ago Roger! You just listened to it now?” Brian pretended to sound hurt. “And yes. For your information, I do plan to record it.”_

_“Well, I am a busy man.” Roger snorted. “And no Brian. I meant ‘we’ should record it, as Queen.”_

_Brian and John shared a look before John replied reluctantly, “I don’t know Roger. I haven’t been playing regularly for a while.”_

_“Come on Deaky, even Roger thinks so.” Brian rubbed John’s shoulder, “you are so talented you will find the groove in no time.”_

_“Yeah Deaky. Think of it as a tribute to Freddie.” Roger knew the bassist could not refuse if their dear friend’s name was mentioned._

_John agreed just as Roger expected. He and Brian exchanged a grin._

_Brian poured himself a cup of tea, “I agree we should make and perform more music as Queen. But to do that, we need a new singer.”_

_“What are you saying Brian? Don’t tell me you are suggesting to replace Freddie.” John sounded surprised._

_Brian shook his head, “never. We can never replace Freddie and nor do we ever want to. But when I went to see him the last time a couple of days before he passed, he told me clearly that his last wishes were for us to continue making music and perform our music to the next generation. In order to do that, we do need another front man. What do you guys think about Robbie Williams?”_

_“The kid from Take That?” Roger asked._

_Brian nodded, “yes. I met him a couple of months ago at an event. He’s a good kid. He can definitely sing and perform. I got a call from Jim earlier today. Turns out he had been looking for a front man for us as well and he mentioned Robbie. I think he will be great for us and he is interested.”_

_“He’s a bit young don’t you think?” Roger pondered._

_“That’s what we need, youth and energy.” Brian chuckled, “no one wants to see old ladies still rocking away. Besides, we were the similar age when we started. Deaky was even younger.”_

_Roger shrugged his shoulders, “you got a point. Yeah, Fred told me to keep on making music and keep his legacy alive as well the last time I went to see him.” Even after so many years, thinking about their charismatic friend still made Roger snuffle. “Let’s get together with him and discuss to see if we are on the same page. We need to do Freddie proud.”_

_Brian turned to the bassist, “what do you say Deaky?”_

_John got up and turned to look at the London skylines out of the window. He was quiet. He did not like this idea one bit. Just the picture of them on stage or studio with another person singing in Freddie’s place made him sick. Yet he cannot argue with Brian and Roger because he was the only one who didn’t have the balls to go visit Freddie one last time before he passed. He regretted it so much that to this day he could not think about the last days of Freddie without shedding tears._

_‘I’m sorry Fred.’ John mumbled to himself as he felt his eyes getting watery. A pair of strong and familiar arms hugged him from behind._

_“What’s wrong Deaky?” Brian whispered to his lover’s ear, “thinking about Freddie?”_

_Tears streamed down the younger man’s cheeks. John turned in Brian’s embraced and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder._

_“I don’t know if I can do it Brian.” John’s sobbed quietly, “I can’t imagine playing on stage with someone else in Freddie’s place.”_

_Brian kissed his forehead and tenderly stroked John’s soft hair with his fingers, “it’s okay Deaky. Fred wouldn’t be mad at you even if you can’t.”_

_Pictures of Freddie filled John’s mind. How Freddie took care of him when he first joined the band. How supportive Freddie was of his relationship with Brian even though they were both married men. How devasted he was when Freddie told them about AIDS. John really hated himself for being so weak. He couldn’t go visit Freddie during those last days. Now he couldn’t even help to carry on Freddie’s last wishes?_

_Roger came over too and hugged them both. “It’s okay Deaky. It will be hard for all of us. But it is what Fred would have wanted so we all give our best shot okay?”_

_John sighed and nodded. He cannot refuse to that._

_Roger smiled and wiped off the remaining tears from John’s face with the back of his hand. “We are getting ahead of ourselves anyway. Let’s start with recording Brian’s No-One But You, just the three of us. Brian and I will sing. We see how that goes and we go from there.”_

Thank god there are still Brian and Roger. John thought as he watched the support his bandmates showed to his future self. He stole a glance at Freddie standing beside him, who was quietly wiping off tears from the corner of the eyes but smiling at the same time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1974 universe where John does not marry Veronica. The 1980s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2019! This is of course a beautiful fantasy.

1981

_“Welcome darlings. Paul, would you please take their coats.” Freddie gave Brian and John a big hug as they entered the gorgeous mansion called Garden Lodge in Kensington._

_“So this is your estate, Lord Mercury.” Brian joked as he and John looked at the magnificent establishment in awe._

_“Yes, come. I will show you around.” Freddie grabbed his friend’s hands and led them on a tour of the mansion. Each one of my cats will have its own room. This is Jerry’s. That is for Delilah. Tiffany’s room is downstairs, even bigger than this one, spoiled thing.”_

_John thought about his own modest house that he modest house in southwest of London that he bought with his first royalty cheque. Each of the cat’s room that Freddie is showing them seems to be bigger than his whole first floor._

_“And I also bought the cottage next door for Mary. She’s already moved in.” Freddie chattered on excitedly. He twirled around and looked at his friends expectantly, “so what do you think dears?”_

_“You have really outdone yourself, Freddie. It’s glorious.” Brian smiled and patted him on the back._

_“Deaky?” Freddie turned to John._

_“Marvelous Freddie. Simply marvelous.” John replied._

_“You both are too sweet.” Freddie squeezed both Brian and John’s hands, “you two should get one of these places too you know. Come on, you can afford it.”_

_Brian and John looked at each other. Despite spending majority of their times together on and off tours, they still lived in separate houses officially. To John, moving to live in the same house means coming out to everyone, including his parents, siblings, and the general public. He was not sure if they were ready for that quite yet, and didn’t know what the implications that would have on their career as Queen._

_“Okay, you two love birds can stare at each other later.” Freddie’s sing song voice cut off John’s thoughts, “come, there is some one I would like you to meet.”_

_Freddie brought them to a man in early thirties, sturdy and handsome, with short brown hair and well groomed mustache._

_“This is Jim, Jim Hutton.” Freddie introduced him to his bandmates, “Jim, this is Brian and John.”_

_After Brian and John each shook hands with Jim, Freddie grabbed Jim’s hand and said, “Jim is my special friend.”_

_Freddie had always kept his personal life private from everyone, including his closest friends. But it was not hard to guess his sexuality from the types of parties and clubs he liked to attend. Nevertheless, introducing Jim to them was still the first time Freddie openly talked about his relationship, causing Brian and John to be a little startled._

“Jim?” John turned to his grandfather with confusion. “I thought we just saw that Freddie didn’t meet Jim much later, like in the second half of the 1980s.”

Grandfather shook his head. “Oh, Freddie met Jim in 1980 when he went to the salon to get his hair cut into the clone look. In the other universe, he was insecure about his sexuality until he was much older so he did not act on the attraction.”

“Freddie was insecure?” John found it a bit hard to believe that his flamboyant friend lacked confidence in anything.

“Yes.” His grandfather nodded. “You know Freddie. He was full of confidence as he strutted on stage but deep down, he has insecurities and loneliness at times. Actually, in the other universe, watching you and the guitar boy struggling between your families and relationship with each other made Freddie even more unsure about being gay. He totally separated love and sexual desire. To him, his attractions toward men were merely sexual attractions and he would not allow himself to be emotionally attached to any of them. So he did not act on the attraction toward Jim until he was much older and secure about himself.”

And much too late. John thought as he remembered how gut wrenching he felt when he watched Freddie die. If the AIDS disease was transmitted as his grandfather discussed, then Freddie must have caught it through his frenzied sexual activities. Then a sudden glitter of hope came to him, if Freddie was more secure about his sexuality earlier, got together with his eventual partner earlier, then maybe Freddie wouldn’t have had so many more sexual partners and caught the deadly virus?

“So was Freddie more secure about himself in this universe?” John asked hopefully.

As if reading John’s mind, his grandfather smiled, “Yes Johnnie. Seeing you and Brian strong together, love and support each other, did inject tremendous amount of hope into Freddie. He was much more secure about his sexuality at a younger age. He did act on his attraction toward Jim earlier and that is why you met Jim in Freddie’s house in 1981.”

John was elated but at the same time felt a pang of guilt. With this logic, then it was his proposal to Veronica that caused Freddie to be sick and die at a young age.

_As Freddie went to greet other guests like a social butterfly, Brian and John grabbed drinks and sat with Jim on the couch._

_“So how did you and Fred meet?” Brian was curious about the man that somehow became a permanent fixture of their promiscuous friend’s romantic life._

_“Well, a year ago, he came into the salon I worked and wanted to cut his hair short. I ended up being his hairdresser and we got talking.” Jim smiled as he reminisced. “Silly me, I didn’t actually recognize him then, just thought he was a beautiful and interesting man. Then a couple of weeks later, we met again at a club. I definitely recognized him this time. He bought me a drink and we just hit it off.”_

_John raised his eyebrows. “Wow, it’s been this long? He definitely hid you well.”_

_Jim grinned bashfully, “we dated and saw more and more of each other. When he bought this house, he asked me to come and live with him. And I couldn’t find a reason to say no.”_

_“Jim love,” Freddie fluttered by, “can you get Roger there more booze? And you two,” Freddie looked at Brian and John, “don’t just sit on your ass like old ladies, come up and dance.”_

_“Not drunk enough yet Fred.” Brian called out to Freddie after taking a gulp of his beer._

_“So Deaky, what do you think about Jim?” Brian asked after Freddie finally left them alone._

_“He seems like a nice guy. I think he will be good for Freddie.” John replied, genuinely happy for their friend._

_“What do you think about them living together in this house?” Brian put his free arm around John’s shoulder._

_“It’s cute.” John replied, “and this is certainly a big enough house.”_

_“Do you think it’s a trend that we should be following?” Brian asked while looking straight at the group of dancers in front avoiding John’s eyes._

_Caught off guard, John looked at Brian. Under the dim light of the ball room, Brian looked flushed with influence of alcohol. Even after so many years, John could still feel his heart flutter at how handsome Brian is._

_“Are you asking what I think you are asking Brian?” John whispered to his lover’s ear._

_Brian smiled lovingly at John, “don’t be daft Deaky. You know very well I am asking you to live with me.”_

_John’s heart soared but he couldn’t help but feeling scared at the same time. “Do you think we are ready for that?”_

_“Come on Deaky. I have known you for more than 10 years. We have even lived together before remember? When we all shared the same flat. I know what you are like.”_

_John avoided Brian’s gaze and played with the beer bottle in his hands. He inhaled sharply, “but that also means…”_

_“Yes, Deaky. That means announcing to everyone that we are together.” Brian tightened his arm around John. “It’s normal to be scared Deaky. I’m scared too. As for the people who stop liking our music because of this, they can go fuck themselves. Just think about it okay?”_

_John’s mind flooded with the images of Brian; the first time they met; the first time he tasted Brian’s lips; the first time he felt Brian inside of him…It’s hard to believe that they have known each other for ten years but it’s harder to imagine a life without Brian as his friend, as his lover, as his partner in life. John shuddered at that thought and decided that would not be a life worth living._

_Suddenly the music, the voices, and all the dancing bodies seemed to be far distant. John felt he and Brian were the only two people in this room, in this house, in this world._

_“Okay.” John replied amongst the loudness of the party._

_Brian squeezed John’s shoulder and took another drink of his beer._

_John turned to Brian and smiled, “I said okay Brian. I would love to live with you.”_

_Brian almost choked on his beer causing John to laugh and patted him on his back. He put the bottle down on the floor and cupped John’s face, “really Deaky?”_

_John nodded with all his might before Brian pressed their lips together and started sucking the life out of the younger man._

John’s face turned all red causing his grandfather to chuckle. “It’s okay, son. I have seen it all up here.” His grandfather patted John on the back.

John looked deep in thought causing the older man to ask, “what’s on your mind, son?”

“In this universe,” John started reluctantly, almost afraid to hear the answer. “Did Freddie get sick and die when he was too young as well?”

His grandfather smiled, “let’s take a look then.”

1985

_“Uncle John, please come visit more often. I miss you.”_

_“Of course, Robbie. As long as you are being a good boy for Mom.” John picked up Veronica’s 6-year-old son and swirled him around before sending him off to swimming class._

_After shutting the front door, Veronica turned to the bassist, “how have you been nowadays John? I hope you are less busy.”_

_John replied with a dry laugh. “Definitely less busy.” That was an understatement. He never thought he would ever complain about this, but he felt he had too much time on his hands. They are still doing their album, tour, album, tour routine as a band, but stretched over way longer intervals. They are definitely not working as hard, John sighed. Whether it’s because all of them were getting tired of each other’s company or their have used up all their talents. John didn’t know. But they did not have the same energy and enthusiasm as they did in the early days. Even with performance at the Live Aid concert, supposedly the biggest concert with the largest broadcasting audience in history, in just a month, they still could not get their asses together to practice._

_It was not surprise that the previous two albums did rather poorly both on the charts and in sales. The party scene of Munich was way too intriguing that they hardly spent anytime in the recording studio. Discouraged by the disappointing performance of the albums, Freddie, Brian and Roger all pursued solo projects. John didn’t. He couldn’t. He was depressed from all these free times he had because it was a constant reminder that he couldn’t sing._

_John also felt he and Brian had been growing apart recently. Brian was getting less talkative and always on edge, as if he was ready to snap any minute._

_TV was still on in the living room. “…Since scientists isolated the virus in 1983, there has been minimal progress made in treatment. Every day the disease continues to gloom the Bay Area and the world. Every day, another gay man in San Francisco is told the horrible news. You have AIDS. There is no cure. Please advice everyone you had sexual contact with to get tested…”_

_John reached for the remote and shut off TV. Who was he kidding. John knew why Brian had been on edge. He was anxious too._

_“John?” Veronica’s concerned voice brought John out of his own thoughts._

_“What did you say, Ronnie?” John looked at her apologetically._

_Veronica looked at the now blank TV screen and sighed, “I know you and Brian had been together a long time, but have you guys thought of getting tested? Just to be sure.”_

_John inhaled deeply and shook his head. He had definitely thought about it but did not have the heart to bring it to Brian. They had never explicitly talked about it, but John trusted Brian one hundred percent. However, they still had fun those rare occasions they went to clubs. During the many months they spent in Munich, enjoying the night life with Freddie, Roger, and the rest of the crew, everything was under a haze of drugs and booze. John could not remember what happened most of those nights. Besides, the news articles report the incubation period for the virus could be as long as ten years. It could haven been even before he and Brian got together._

_“John? Earth to John.” Veronica shook his shoulder._

_“I’m sorry Ronnie. I’m not myself today.” John gave her a sheepish smile._

_“Are you okay?” Veronica was worried._

_“Yeah. Don’t worry Ronnie. I’m just a bit tired. I will just go home and rest a bit. See you and Robbie next time. Yeah?” John gave her a quick hug and waved goodbye, walked out with Veronica’s troubled gaze behind his back._

_When John got home, he was surprised to see Freddie there, sitting by the kitchen table with Brian._

_“Freddie, fancy seeing you here.” John walked over and put his arms around the older man’s neck from behind._

_Freddie patted John’s arms and said, “Deaky, have a seat.”_

_Freddie’s rather grave tone which was unusual for him alerted John. “What’s up Fred?” He asked as he sat down, subconsciously grabbing for Brian’s hand._

_“I wanted to come and talk to you guys.” Freddie took a deep breath, “Jim and I got tested, and today we got our results back.”_

John held his breathe and felt like his heart stopped.

_“The results are negative. We are safe.” Freddie smiled._

_John and Brian both let out a deep sigh, “what the hell Fred, such a drama queen! You scared us to death.” Brian scolded._

_“Well, it is a serious matter.” Freddie said in as a matter of fact manner, “now I know you two are the perfect gay couple.  Even though it’s very low risk, but I think it’s a good idea for you to get tested as well. Just to get a peace of mind. I already told Roger. I’m taking him to the clinic tomorrow. Do you two want to come along?”_

_Brian and John shared an anxious look._

_*********************************************************************************_

_“Deaky?” Brian’s clammy hand grabbed John’s equally as sweaty one. They were sitting in the same clinic they were at three days ago, only this time it was to get the results._

_“Yeah?” John knew he was hyperventilating but still find it hard to control himself. After Roger was deemed safe, he and Freddie almost started celebrating already since they could not imagine their other two responsible bandmates could have anything but a negative result._

_Brian squeezed John’s hand and looked at his lover, “Deaky, I just wanted you to know that no matter what the result comes out to be, my feelings toward you will not change. I have loved you since the day we met and I will continue to love you until the day I die.”_

_If John was not so nervous, he was sure he would be in tears. He leaned onto Brian’s shoulder and choked on his words, “I love you too Brian. We will both be fine.”_

_“Mr. May, Mr. Deacon. Please come in.” The doctor beaconed them to come into the exam room. “I want you to know that both your results are negative. Congratulations.”_

_Brian hugged John so hard that he was sure some ribs were cracked._

“Freddie’s okay.” John was ecstatic with tears. “We are all okay.”

“It’s fascinating to see how a seemingly small and unrelated choice could change everyone’s lives. Right Johnnie?”

“Indeed. Indeed.” John replied.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1992 Universe where John left Veronica. The 2000s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! More sweetness and fluff. Hope you enjoy and leave your thoughts. :D.

2001

_“Hi Dad.” John opened the front door and saw his oldest son._

_“Robbie!” He grabbed the young man in a hug and led him inside. “This is a nice surprise. Do you want some tea? I will put the kettle on.”_

_Robert placed a gift bag on the kitchen table and sat down. “I’m sorry I will have to miss your birthday Dad. I have to spend a couple of weeks in Glasgow for work. I brought you a gift today though.”_

_“Glasgow, ew. Make sure you dress warm.” John stuck out his tongue. He did not enjoy his visits to the Scottish city. “Thank you for the gift son.”_

_“It’s summer in Glasgow too you know.” Robert let out a laugh._

_“I just remember it was snowing in April when we toured there, and that place is dead.” John sat down at the table across from his son._

_“Any plans for your big 50 th birthday Dad?” _

_“Nah, just have a small gathering. Have all your siblings here if they want to come.” John said wistfully._

_“Oh, they will all be here. Don’t you worry Dad.” His son chuckled with amusement._

_Robert looked around the house and asked, “Uncle Brian is not home?”_

_John shook his head, “busy with some event or another. How are you Robbie? How is your mom?”_

_“That’s another reason I wanted to come today,” Robert said with a more serious tone. “Mom is getting married again.”_

_“That’s great news!” John beamed, “I’m happy for her. What? Are you not happy with her choice?”_

_“His name is Tim. He’s a lawyer. Seems like a decent enough guy.” Robert replied, “I am glad she is finally able to move on with her life.”_

_John looked at his oldest son quietly. He remembered those first few years when he ended his marriage with Veronica and how he was not able to contact any of his children. Thinking about those years that he missed in his kids’ life still made his heart break a little. John never regretted finally facing the truth about himself and came to live with Brian. But he will forever feel a pang of guilt whenever he thought of Veronica and his children. Despite being the oldest, Robert was actually the last one of his kids to come to terms with John and talked to him after the divorce. Seeing him being so considerate now warmed John’s heart._

_“Well, don’t tell your mother congratulations from me as I don’t think she ever wants to hear anything from me. But I am extremely happy for her.” John smiled._

_“Dad are you happy now?” Robert suddenly asked._

_John was a little surprised. Robert is the one son that he never discussed feelings with as far as he can remember. “Yes, I am.” John nodded._

_“Were you happy when you were with Mom?”_

_John was taken aback. “Where is this coming from Robbie?”_

_Robert sighed, “we never really talked about this. Josh, Cameron, Luke and maybe even Laura were too young to remember. And Michael was never good at being observant. But I remember, Dad. I remember growing up you and Mom seemed happy. You seemed genuinely loved each other. You raised 6 of us. What went wrong?”_

_Kettle whistled and John got up to make some tea. He brought a cup to his son. “Have some tea son, this may take a while.”_

_“I have time.” Robert poured some milk into his tea cup._

_John started telling his son the whole seemingly ridiculous love story between Brian and himself. How immature and irresponsible they were in their twenties. How they could not shake off the attraction toward each other even after they were both married. How the only way he could ease the guilt toward Veronica was to treat her better the limited time that he was home. She loved children and that’s why they had so many kids. How he loved each one of them and Veronica so he could not live in the lie anymore._

_“So you can say I should have never married your mother from the start. But then again, we won’t have you and all your siblings who we love so much. Or if Brian and I weren’t in the same band that we had to see so much of each other, maybe it wouldn’t have gone on for as long as it did.” John sighed. “Marrying your mother in the beginning or leaving her in the end, I don’t know if either of my decision was the correct one. I definitely have made many mistakes Robbie. But I am working hard on trying to fix them. And finally, I think everything is moving toward the right direction and getting better.”_

_“Wow,” Robert looked overwhelm. “Thanks for telling me all these Dad. I had no idea it was this complicated for so long. Did Mom know about you and Uncle Brian this whole time?”_

_“She knew.” John nodded. “I think she probably always suspected from the start but she knew for sure by the 80s. That’s why when I told her I’m leaving, she was angry but not surprised.”_

_Looking at his son sitting in silence, trying to digest the whole story. John smiled and patted Robert’s arm, “the only advice I have for you from all my mistakes son, is to be truthful. Be truthful to everyone but especially be truthful to yourself.”_

_2005_

_Brian strolled down the streets of Toronto humming to himself. It definitely felt good to be on tour again with the band. After a whole year of negotiation and planning, at last they announced the world tour of “Queen and Paul Rodger” this summer and kicked off the North American portion in Canada. It was clear from the beginning that whoever end being their front man was not going to replace Freddie, was not going to be part of Queen. With a good amount of patience and coercion, he and Roger was finally able to convince John to come along with them._

_Brian closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the sweet summer air. Roger and John wanted to find some food before the show but Brian was not hungry or interested. He would rather take a walk around the city. Brian had always been fond of Canada and Toronto is one of his favorite cities in the world. He can’t believe it’s been more than twenty years since the last time he was here. Twenty years, such a long time, everything has changed. Back then, Freddie was still with them, he was still married to Chrissie._

_In comparison, it seemed this city had not changed too much from Brian’s memory. Electric operated street cars still chimed on with inconvenient rails in the middle of the road. Bustling people, who seemed to be in the rush, but were always polite and friendly. Brian walked past a pair of half-moon buildings that served as the city hall of Toronto and saw a pair of young men in suits coming out, with a ring on each of their left-hand ring fingers and holding what looked like a marriage certificate. They shared a kissed in front of the camera with the fountain as the background._

_That’s right! It suddenly occurred to Brian. Canada is among one of the few countries which same sex marriage is legal. UK only had the civil partnership act which the government was pretty clear that it was not the same as marriage. Looking at the happy couple, an idea came to Brian making him smile._

_***********************************************************************_

_“Deaky, Brian still not here yet? We need to be on stage in 15 minutes.” Roger in his performing outfit and of course sunglasses found John who is pacing a hole in the floor. “Have you called him?”_

_“Oh gee Roger, how come I didn’t think of calling him!” John replied sarcastically, “his cell phone is dead.”_

_“Erh, this is so not like Brian.” Roger shook his head and opened a bottle of beer._

_“I know. I hope he is okay.” John was definitely worried._

_“Sorry guys.” Brian rushed into backstage almost out of breath, still in his jeans and clogs. He knew he was going to be late so he came straight to the concert venue. But the traffic was still worse than he thought. Brian got out of the taxi and practically ran the last 5 blocks._

_“Where the hell have you been?” John rushed over and threw his arms around the older man._

_“Sorry Deaky, lost track of time.” Brian squeezed John’s torso. “And the traffic here is bloody awful.”_

_“Please go change ladies. Time’s a wasting. We need to be on in 5 minutes.” Roger wrinkled his nose as he slapped on Brian’s back, “you stink, Brian. I’m glad I’m far away from you on stage.”_

_**************************************************************************_

_John rushed to the dressing room as soon as the curtains were drawn. It was a beautiful concert and he had fun. After a couple of shows in the UK, he was getting back into the groove of performing live with Brian and Roger again. But Brian’s last act was still too emotional for him. Brian, sitting on stage by himself with his guitar, singing Love of My Life. And the video of Freddie comes up at the end of the song. He disappears on the screen as Brian stretched his hand as if trying to grab their dead friend. It all John’s might to not fall down and ball like a baby. He almost didn’t have the energy to go out again and thank their fans for coming._

_“Deaky?” Brian came into the dressing room looking for him. Seeing John’s eyes turning red, he asked with a concerned voice, “what’s wrong Deaky? Was the last song too much?” Brian put his arms around the younger man’s shoulders. “It was an idea I had on the plane. The song is so emotional to Freddie that we can’t possibly perform it on stage without mentions of him. What did you think?”_

_John leaned into Brian’s embrace. Even after as long as thirty years they had been together, just being close to Brian, being in his arms, John felt that everything was going to be alright._

_“It was beautifully done. You are a very brave man, Brian May.” John sighed. “I can’t even bare to watch what you just did tonight.”_

_“Thank you Deaky.” Brian rubbed John’s back, “you were brave and brilliant tonight too Deaky. We all were.”_

_They stood there in comfortable silence, holding onto each other for support. John almost forgot the rest of the world still existed._

_“Deaky?” Brian’s soft voice broke John’s daze._

_“Hmm?” John murmured, looking up to the taller man._

_Brian let go of John, looked at him deep in the clear green eyes and smiled. He gently brushed John’s chin with the pad of his thumb before reaching to his pocket and pulled out a small maroon velvet box. Brian snapped it open in front of John. Inside the box was a pair of titanium bands._

“Holy shit!” John’s breath hitched.

“Oh dear.” Freddie called out at the same time.

_John was pretty sure that he stopped breathing, thinking, and his heart stopped beating for a good half of a minute. If it was not that he was still holding onto Brian at the waist, he would have fell his ass on the floor._

_“Whaaawhy…” John stammered, unable to make out any comprehensible sounds._

_Brian grabbed one of John’s hands and smiled. “Deaky. Other than the birth of my children, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. We have been through ups and downs, hell and back these past 30 years. There are moments even now I still can’t believe you had the courage to be with me one hundred percent 13 years ago. Some nights I wake up scared that this is all a beautiful fantasy until I feel you snuggled beside me. I love you so much Deaky and you have made me so happy. I don’t know what else I am able to do for you.”_

_John looked at the man he had known and loved for so many years who was still grinning at him like a mad person, whose hazel eyes glittered with so much love. It was hard for John to believe sometimes that he had been with Brian for more than half of his life. He got scared sometimes when he thought what would have happened if he refused Brian 13 years ago when he was forced to make a decision. He could not imagine a life without him. It would have been a life not worth living. But John would have never guessed in a million years that Brian would pull an act like this at the time when he least expected it. When he divorced Veronica, he thought marriage would be a foregone concept._

_“Deaky.” Brian cupped John’s face with his free hand and wiped the tears from his cheekbone. “This is Canada. It’s a country that gay marriage is not only tolerated. It’s legal.”_

_“Holy fuck!” Half-drunk Roger rushed into the dressing room, dumbfound by the scene in front of him._

_“Do you want me to get on one knee Deaky? I’m kind of old for that but I will do it for you.” Brian joked._

_“Yeah, kneel down Brian. Show some effort.” Roger shouted._

_“Fuck off Roger.” But the taller man did start to bend his leg getting ready to get on one knee. John stopped him and just leaned to kiss the love of his life with all his might._

_“God I love you so much Brian. I never thought this was going to be possible for us.” Breathless from the snog, John squeezed the daylight out of Brian._

_The next day, Brian and John dress in tuxedos, breathtakingly handsome, stood in city hall to get their marriage registered._

_“…Do you take this man, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, until death do thou apart…”_

_As the vows were being read, John’s mind drifted back to his first wedding. It was such a long time ago that John believed it to be another life. He remembered distinctly though, when he said ‘I do’ back then, he was looking at the same curly haired handsome man that he is saying the exact same words to today._

“You two are so sweet, makes me want to cry.” Freddie was snuffling into tissues while John put an arm around his friend.

“I could have never imagined that.” John smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next 2 short chapters will be the last to tie this story up. May write a sequel adding more detail to the story timeline if my imagination allows me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 1974 Universe where John did not marry Veronica. The 1990s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is of course, a beautiful fantasy.

1991

_“It’s almost unimaginable for a band to be still so popular after 20 years. Not only you guys were the most influential British band in the 1980s, but getting Grammy’s nomination on the 20 th anniversary. Congratulations Freddie, it’s quite an achievement.” _

_“Who knows, after 20 years. Four old ladies are still rocking away.”_

_“How is the work dynamic of the band members after 20 years. Has it changed at all?”_

_“No, we still fight like kids. Especially me and Brian.”_

_“Why is that?”_

_“Because he only writes the songs I don’t like.”_

_John stretched on the couch at the commercial break. He was in the dressing room backstage of Madison Square Garden in New York City getting ready for their concert tonight as part of their 20 th band anniversary tour. Twenty years, he can’t believe it. He was barely twenty years old when he first joined Queen. _

_Their magnificent performance at Live Aid concert and finding that all of them are safe from the deadly virus somehow injected a stream of fresh energy 4 of them. They went back to the recording studio with the same enthusiasm as during the 70s. Since they all had way more money than they ever needed, they decided to credit all the songs to Queen as a group no matter who wrote it and split the royalties equally four ways. That had definitely strengthened their bonds. The closeness and chemistry they shared in the studio and on stage brought John back to the happy earlier days. In the last 5 years, they released 3 new studio albums and toured to promote each one. At 40 years old, John never felt younger._

_Freddie’s interview on TV continued after the commercial break._

_“Have you thought what you would do if you didn’t play music Freddie?”_

_“I don’t know what I would do. I can’t do much else. I can’t cook. I would be a terrible house wife. If people stopped listening to our music and stopped buying our records. I guess I would have to be a strip artist. I am just a music prostitute, my dear.”_

_“Do you think you will go to heaven someday Freddie?”_

_“Oh no. Hell is much more interesting. Think about all the people you are going to meet. You will be there too you know.”_

_John can’t help but laugh at Freddie’s ridiculous comment causing the interviewer to be flustered searching for the next question._

_“Eaoooh!”_

_“Eeaoooooh!”_

_Freddie swung the door open and came swirling in, followed by his two other bandmates, all dressed ready for the stage. “You are watching my interview again Deaky? I know you love me, but we have to be subtler for Brian’s sake, my dear.”_

_“Twat.” John slapped the singer’s arm._

_“Are you ready to rock and roll birthday boy?” Roger held out his hand for a high five which John returned. “Show some disco moves up there.”_

_Before they headed up stage to a sold-out stadium of twenty thousand people, Brian wrapped his arm around John’s waist for a quick hug and whispered, “happy 40 th birthday Deaky. I love you.” _

_“You told me that many times today already Brian. You are getting senile with old age or what?” John giggled into Brian’s chest._

_“I can never say that enough.” Brian left a peck on John’s temple before running onto the stage._

_“I love you too.” John shouted as he ran behind Brian._

“I thought Freddie refused to perform in the US after MTV banned our video in the 1980s.” John was confused.

“It’s a different universe son. In this universe, you and Brian were together from the beginning so you never had the frustration that inspired you to write ‘I Want to Break Free’. So that controversial drag video which the MTV banned was never made.”

_“Tonight, is a special night.” Freddie, who looked like a true king dressed in his majesty robe and crown, announced breathlessly into the microphone near the end of the concert. “Not only because we have a chance to perform in the Big Apple again after 5 years and spend the night with you beautiful people. It is also the fortieth birthday of our talented bass guitar player, song writer, and dearest friend Mr. John Richard Deacon.”_

_The crowd went wild with cheering. Freddie walked over grabbed John in a messy and sweaty hug before moving the crown from his head to John’s._

_“The next song is going to be ‘You Are My Best Friend’. John wrote this song back in 1975. Now I am going to dedicate this song to the birthday boy, because it is true. You are my best friend Deaky. You are our best friend.”_

_Brian’s guitar chords kicked in with Freddie’s ballad. John’s mind went back to the day that he wrote this song all those years ago. The quiet farm house, the light autumn rain, the creak of the old piano, and Brian sitting by his side listening to him sing. John truly felt he was the luckiest man on Earth, on the top of the world._

“I have seen enough. I think I know what to do now Grandpa.” John turned to the old man and smiled.

His grandfather nodded. “That’s great son. Just remember, the only way to live your life is to be true to yourself.”

John gave the old man a tight hug. “Will I ever see you again?”

The old man chuckled, “you never saw me son. You only see what you want to see.” With that, he disappeared in front of John.

_“The final song for tonight is also the last song on our new album Innuendo. We want thank you all again for the endless love and support over the last 20 years. We will continue to rock the world in the 1990s, the new millennium and beyond. After all, ‘The Show Must Go On’…._

The concert scene in front of John was becoming fainter and Freddie’s voice was becoming more and more distant.

“John, honey, there you are finally.” Veronica’s relieved voice rang in John’s ears.

John opened his eyes and saw an unfamiliar room. He was dressed in a hospital gown with Veronica sitting beside his bed holding his hand. He sat up on bed with Veronica’s help and gave her a blank stare.

“John, I came as soon as I heard.” Veronica had concern written all over her pretty face. “Your car is totaled, but the doctors said you are fine. They cannot explain why you just wouldn’t wake up.”

“How long was I out for?” John asked.

“A couple of hours.”

Just a couple of hours, John grinned. He felt he lived through 16 years, twice. John grabbed Veronica’s hand and took a deep breath, “Ronnie. I’m sorry, but I have to talk to you about something….”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 1992 Universe where John left Veronica. 2018.

2017

_“Deaky, are you home dear?” Brian called out as he entered the front door singing to himself._

_“Yeah, in the study.”_

_Brian waltzed across the living room to find John and grabbed him in for a snog as soon as he saw the younger man._

_“What’s up Brian? Why are you so happy?” John was startled by the extravagant greeting, understandably so._

_“It’s our movie Deaky. They have finally announced all the cast and the day to start shooting, officially. It’s finally happening.” Brian exclaimed, beaming with excitement._

_Bohemian Rhapsody, a biopic of Queen as a band, was a project Brian started working on seven years ago. The project ran into so many issues through the years, scripts being changed, people being fired, that John thought it might never happen. He didn’t know if he liked the idea to begin with, but Brian had a point. If they didn’t do it, then someone else will. It’s better for them to be involved in the production._

_“That’s definitely something worth celebrating.” John nodded._

_“Wait until I show you the pictures of the cast Deaky.” Brian jumped onto the couch and turned on his laptop._

_“Watch it Brian. You are 71, not 17.” John scolded. Brian was so excited he’s like a little boy._

_John sat down beside Brian and glanced over at the screen while Brian was pulling up the pictures of the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody in their costumes._

_“This is Gwilym Lee. He’s going to play me.” Brian started with himself. John could definitely see the resemblance of the Welsh actor to younger Brian. Tall, lean, with rather square chin and intelligent hazel eyes, the Brian he fell in love with before he knew what love was._

_“This is Ben Hardy. He will be Roger.” John snickered as soon as he saw Ben’s picture. Of course, Roger would find the blondest and prettiest boy in England to play himself. That silly self-centered twat._

_“What about me?” John asked curiously._

_“Hold on.” Brian pulled up the picture of a long-haired brunette, “this is Joe Mazzello. He will be you Deaky.”_

_“Holy shit, he really does look like me.” John inhaled sharply._

_“Yeah he does Deaky. I actually think your character bares the most resemblance. You didn’t happen to fuck some American bird in the eighties and forgot about it did you?” Brian snorted._

_“Fuck off Brian.” John punched Brian’s arm, “wait, did you say he’s American? You got a bloody American to play me? Can he even do my accent?”_

_“Come on Deaky. He looks more like you than any of your sons do and he’s a good actor. Of course, he can do your accent. Besides, Freddie is played by an American actor too.”_

_“Are you bloody serious? Freddie will have a break down if he knew he’s being portrayed by an American.” John exclaimed._

_“Here, take a look. This is Rami Malek.” Brian pulled up a picture of Rami in full costume, with Freddie’s black long hair and teeth._

_“Wow.” John felt his heart skip a beat as for a split second he could not tell the difference between the picture of Rami and Freddie. “Brian, I think Freddie will like this.”_

_Brian put an arm around John, “we have to make sure he likes it Deaky. We owe it to him.”_

_John leaned on Brian’s shoulder and asked, “when does the shooting start?”_

_“In three weeks. We will go together, okay?” Brian rubbed the younger man’s arm._

_*************************************************************************************_

_The first time John went on to the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, he definitely had a déjà vu. The stadium in front of him was the exact replica of the Wembley in 1985 Live Aid concert where their performance was voted the best live performance of all time. It was during a difficult time for the band. Their previous 2 albums Hot Space and The Works were a disappointment on the radio and in sales. Brian, Roger and Freddie were all working on solo projects. John even thought maybe this was it for Queen, maybe they had past their prime._

_Then Live Aid happened. The support from the audience was a great boost in energy for all of them. Riding on the excitement, they went back to the studio to record another album and planned another tour. Little did they know at the time that would be their last tour._

_Was Freddie already infected with the deadly virus back when Live Aid happened? Probably. John thought. Would Freddie have given the same magnificent performance if he knew? Probably. Freddie was born to be a performer._

_“It’s uncanny, isn’t it?” Brian’s voice brought John back to reality. He took out his cell phone to start taking picture of the set._

_“Definitely.” John murmured._

_John followed Brian and the crew to the trailers set up for the actors. When one of the crew knocked on the door of Joe Mazzello’s trailer, a smallish young man with John’s ridiculous perm in the 80s opened the door. John stared at Joe for a moment, unable to speak. Brian was right, Joe does bare more similarities to his looks compared to any of his sons._

_John held out his hand to the American actor, “I’m John, John Deacon. How do you do?”_

_Joe earnestly shook his hand, “Hi, I’m Joe. It is really an honor to meet you Mr. Deacon. I am a huge fan.”_

2018

_“Brian, are you ready? Roger is outside with the limo.” John called as he went upstairs trying to find the older man._

_“Coming Deaky.” Brian called as he came down the stairs, “how do I look Deaky?”_

_Even after so many years, the sight of Brian all dressed up in a black coat with maroon fringes on top a black shirt, tall and handsome still took John’s breath away._

_“You look handsome as always dear.” John smiled._

_“You look magnificent yourself Deaky.” Brian grabbed John’s hand, “let’s go. We are going to enjoy this tonight.”_

_**************************************************************************_

_The premier ceremony of Bohemian Rhapsody hosted right by Wembley stadium was a great turn out. John figured he should be used to crowds, being on stage at so many concerts and still touring at his late sixties. But the thought of so many people watching the movie together with him for the first time still made him unbelievably nervous._

_Even back in his younger days, John hated interviews because he never knew what to say. The way reporters haunted Freddie during his last days on Earth made John hate the British press with all his gut. He swore he would never talk to any of them again. Nowadays he refused to go on any interviews or talk shows. He was reluctant to come to the premier night because he knew he can’t avoid talking to reporters. But once again, Brian and Roger always had a way of convincing him._

_“Mr. John Deacon! I’m so excited to see you here!” Bollocks. John swore under his breathe. The MC was walking straight toward him. It’s impossible to hide._

_John forced a smile on his face._

_“How do feel tonight at the world premiere of the movie Bohemian Rhapsody?”_

_“I’m definitely excited. It had been a long way for the movie to be at this stage. The cast and crew had done a wonderful job. I think people will really enjoy it.”_

_“There are hundreds of thousands Queen fans watching tonight around the world. I’m sure they would love to hear a word from you. Do you have a message for them?”_

_“Thank you very much.” Was all John could mutter. Good thing Roger just walked by and grabbed the MC’s attention._

_Brian found John just before the viewing of the movie began and whispered to him, “that wasn’t so bad, was it Deaky?”_

_“Easy for you to say.” John wiped sweat from his forehead despite the chill of the autumn evening._

_The movie began. John had seen it many times before but seeing it on the big screen with thousands of others was definitely another experience. 4 of them in their twenties, young and carefree, with nothing in their pockets but a big dream. Their voices, their songs, their laughter. Memories from almost half a century ago flooded John’s mind. He naturally grabbed for Brian’s hand._

_Life was no bed of roses. John knew he had made many mistakes. Maybe he should have never picked up a bass guitar. Maybe he should have never joined Queen. Maybe he should have never married Veronica. Maybe he should have never left her._

_Sometimes John felt he watched his whole life passing by in front of him, as if it was all a dream. But as long as he was able to hold the hand he was holding now, he felt real; he felt safe._

_Just as the words that Freddie sang filled the stadium._

I've paid my dues  
Time after time  
I've done my sentence  
But committed no crime  
And bad mistakes   
I've made a few  
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face  
But I've come through

We are the champions, my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the world

_As the credits of the movie were rolling out, Brian squeezed John’s hand. “I think we did Freddie proud, Deaky.”_

_“I think so too.” John beamed._

“Freddie, I think I know what I am going to do.” John sighed.

“That’s wonderful dear.” Freddie pulled John into a tight embrace. “Life does not go on forever.”

John nodded. “I wish you were still with us Freddie. I wish I could see you again.”

“You can see me whenever you need Deaky. You only see what you want to see.” The singer gave John a toothy laugh and disappeared.

The noise from Wembley stadium became fainter. John started to feel the coldness and wetness of the freezing rain, the hardness of the concrete and the pain from the curb hitting his head.

“Mate, you’ve got to wake up. You will freeze to death here.”

John opened his eyes to a stranger violently shaking his shoulders. The rain seemed to have stopped, leaving only the chill and quiet of the winter night.

“Finally, you are awake.” The stranger let out a sigh of relief. “How are you feeling? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

John shook his head and stumbled up. He mumbled ‘thanks’ to the stranger. John before hailing a taxi and as soon as he got in, told the driver Brian’s address.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. I really had fun writing the story from the angst in the beginning to the sweet fluff at the end. Certain universes are beautiful fantasies that can only be found in fanfiction. Hope you enjoyed the story and leave your thoughts. May give me some ideas to possible write a sequel just devolving into more details of the relationships. :P


End file.
